Fenmere and I were discussing penis-acquisition in the comments. I decided I'm happy with the one I store on my sweetheart. Though, if I had a time machine, I would totally want to walk into Ye Olde Polling Place in 1810, slap a dismembered member on the table, and assert that I fulfilled their requirements.

As to paint, I actually like the smell of paint thinner. Sure, I'll get a headache eventually and keel over just like anyone else, but I'll be happy leading up to it.