Days of Shades

Medical update, because I needed more excitement

Wed, 16 Aug 2017 20:17:54 GMT

Monday morning when I got up my arms, and then my whole body, started shaking and twitching involuntarily. This happened spring of 2016, too, right after I upped a med dose. That time I guessed/assumed it was a reaction to the drug dose being raised, talked to the specialist who'd prescribed it, and weaned it out of my regiment, which worked. It took weeks of shaking before whatever-it-was cleared my system. Fun times.

This time I hadn't really changed anything in my drug regimen recently, so I called my general practitioner, who made me a very last minute appointment after I told the nurse that no, I was NOT going to call 911 for something that had already happened once and notably failed to kill me. I'm very glad I went to see him, because it turns out it's serotonin syndrome which, er, can kill people. Oops. Makes me feel a bit bad for being so flip, but here I am, still not dead, so that's cool.

The trick is that I'm not 'reacting' to any particular drug; the anti-depressant plus the drug cocktail I'm on to try to control the auto-immune itching results in raised -- and at this point toxic -- serotonin levels. At the doc's office I had a high-for-me blood pressure and pulse, a fever so slight I hadn't noticed it, and dilated pupils. I suspect I should be grateful my basis level BP and heart rate are low; there's room for a big surge without it being dangerous.

Anyway, I have entirely cut out an OTC antihistamine that's the only thing new in the last month, cut the anti-sad drug by a third, and am titrating down on one of the anti-histamines-that-is-also-an-anti-depressant. Of course, that means i'm just waiting for the moment when I itch all over again. So far it's not too bad, though -- we discussed it, and while gabapentin might be contributing to the serotonin syndrome, I'm staying on that one for now. It's done the most to control the itching (which suggests neural rather than allergic response, fun times).

I quite enjoyed staying at home yesterday, but I'm really tired of being a chemistry experiment.

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Gonna test-write this here with a smaller audience before putting it up elsewhere.

Wed, 16 Aug 2017 19:19:19 GMT

When we talk about working to stop oppression, lots of people get tied up questions of personal responsibility and blame and defensiveness. There are lots of great essays about that, but having to go over it every time is distracting, so I want to look at it practically, instead.

Look.

A black person cannot have a "useful conversation" with a white supremacist because that white supremacist has already decided that they have no value and thus won't listen to anything they say. The only person the white supremacist might listen to is other white people, because those are the only people whom they value.

A woman cannot change the mind of a die-hard sexist because the die-hard sexist has already decided that her words have no merit based on her gender. The people with the best chance of dismantling that sexism are men, because the die-hard sexist values what they say.

The transgender person can't change the mind of the entrenched transphobe because the entrenched transphobe has already decided they're a freak and everything they say is warped or suspect. They only value the words of cisgender people.

Dismantling white supremacy is white people's work, because we're the only ones who can do it.
Dismantling sexism is men's work, because they're the only ones that can do it.
Dismantling anti-semitism is goyim work, because we're the only ones that can do it.
Dismantling homophobia is straight people's work, because we're the only ones that can do it.

I want to acknowledge that people in an oppressed group *can* impact people who have unconcious bias -- they do tons of that work all the time. It's the die-hard/entrenched/actively-out-to-get-you people who BY DEFINITION won't listen to those they oppress. I need to figure out how to do that acknowledgement without lessening the power of the statement. On the other end of the scale, I truly think that when you have someone like the nazi fuckheads marching in Charlottesville, there is no such thing as a 'useful conversation' with them. There is a useful reaction, though -- like the family who disowned their nazi son, the people who's words these assholes actually value need to say "Fuck you" and turn their backs on them. It's still white people's work, I just don't think we get there through a heart-to-heart over the dinnertable, because the enemy is too far gone.

I'm trying to figure out how to incorporate that nuance -- the idea that there are hugely different levels of racism/sexism/homophia/antisemitism etc etc etc -- without losing the power of the message.

Gotta think on that one.

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It's very very slow hunting jobs

Mon, 07 Aug 2017 20:17:55 GMT

I didn't get the job at Ecology -- no surprise, after this long without hearing from them, but it was nice to at least get a bit of closure. Now I have to figure out my next steps, in an area where the problem seems to be the job market rather than me. And, okay, the other 'problem' is that I'd like more money than I'm currently making if I have to work more hours. Lots of people'd be willing to employ me full time (6 more hours per week) for slightly less money than I make now. And of course the hell of it is that maybe that's a good idea if I could use it as a stepping stone, but that's a large gamble, and I'm not good at 'stepping stone' jobs -- I've been in this one ten years. I'm afraid I'm a creature of inertia.

It does make me think of work/life balance, and how really, I'd be happiest working a half-time job and filling the rest of the time with freelance design, art, and music (personal improvement, but also giving lessons). I just can't quite figure how to make the first bit -- the part time bit -- work, since it'd have to include healthcare and preferably the mortgage. Hmph.

I have a few portfolio/resume improvement ideas, I just need to figure out which of them are worthwhile and point me in the right direction. I can call the boss of the job I just failed to get and ask for an informational interview, which might give me a better idea of what I need to bone up on.

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The giant house list revisted

Thu, 27 Jul 2017 18:41:49 GMT

I made a list on LJ in August of 2016 of things that needed to get done on the house. I went back to it so I could see progress, and hey, there IS progress! Whoohoo! Maybe it'll help me plan my weekend.

~~Fake Paver Driveway / Patio~~
All steps gloriously finished! I sometimes practice my fiddle out there.

Other Yarden things

Retaining wall: Currently being built by my friend Tom!
take down cherry & willow trees (requires dad's help or $$$ to hire someone)
limb up / clean up maple ($$$$ to hire arborist)
~~redo back path with fence-board border & sheet mulch~~
Extend back path
Finish edging existing south bed with fence boards
continue sheet mulching back yard (made progress, nowhere near finished)

Once the wall is done, it'll be time for garden soil and raised beds and planning. Fun stuff. I can't hire an arborist or other help until I'm done paying for the retaining wall. It's more expensive than expected (of course) and I may well be broke after.

Exterior House things

install ridge vent or other vents ($$$, dad's help)
~~exterior trim for new windows ($$$ for material)~~
~~siding patches on new areas ($$$ for material)~~
~~final inspection and off permit!~~
remove aluminum siding from front
clean & paint front of house
wire in extra porch light from outside
~~New water line put in autumn 2016~~

I really should vent the attic better, but all the cosmetic house things can wait a year or two.

Interior House things

Studio

studio window trim
studio chimney trim & shelves
~~sand & finish studio door~~ Done!

Living Room & hallway

replace living room heater
patch living room drywall
paint living room & hallway (already have paint!)
~~replace living room fan~~ Done!
~~NEW: replace hall closet door~~ Done!
replace living room baseboard & door casing? ...eventually.

Bedrooms

Finish cleaning out guest room
sand, stain, & finish rent-a-room window trim
repaint rent-a-room
Replace rent-a-room closet doors
rewire master bedroom for wall sconce? Someday later.
paint master bedroom

Laundry room

Delayed until autumn: replumb laundry room ($$$, dad's help)
Delayed until autumn: finish drywall mud in laundry room
Delayed until autumn: floor laundry room ($$$)

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Post-Guest Fatigue

Thu, 27 Jul 2017 18:21:31 GMT

We saw Erik's mom and her friend off very early yesterday morning (woke up around 4:30 to get them to Seatac in time for an 8:30 flight), then we both went home and slept. E's coming down with something. I just took an hour-and-a-half nap, then came into work.

I had a nice surprise when I came into work this morning -- I chatted with a courier and found out they've given nicknames to all my vans (well, their vans, with my art on them). <3

Not sure what I'll do with my weekend. I have to try to find some sort of routine -- we were busting ass to get my house all nice for E's mom's visit, and now that's done and the rest of the summer is still here. I felt like everything over the last six months was sort of working up to that visit. Well, that or the job hunt, and I still don't have a firm 'no' back from Ecology, and nothing new to apply for on the horizon, so that's a limbo-area, too.

Oh, DEL has posted a new opening that looks exactly like the one I applied for, was offered, and turned down. I don't know if it's a new-but-similar position, or if they had to repost it after I walked. Shoulda offered me more moolah, guys.

I still feel a little guilty about holding out for more money, but if a new job makes me work full time, I want that compensation -- because what I REALLY want is to work fewer hours per week but still have enough job for health care and stability, but I don't know how to get that. Enough money to pay for housecleaning help and a car is the only way I can see to seize back some of the time lost to a full time job.

I'm maundering. It's just tiredness. I suspect a few days of good sleep and relative quiet will help me get some energy and direction again. There's things to do on the house and in the yard, three started paintings to work on in the studio, some design work that needs doing... it's not like I lack a to-do list. I just want to nap.

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Big miniature

Mon, 17 Jul 2017 20:55:11 GMT

I've been trying not to really think about using the guest room for anything, because I was kind of mentally holding it open to be E's space if he ever moved in. Now he and I are talking about building him a Fancy Shed in the backyard in that eventuality, though, so it opens up Actually Doing Things with the guest bedroom. Like more book cases! Storage for instrument cases! And finally moving my giant dollhouse from my folks place, which would make them very happy even tho' it's just tucked in a closet.

I'm really surprised by how excited I am about that last one.

First: yeah, I have a giant dollhouse. I've had it since I was four -- I got it for Christmas after my parents picked it up at a garage sale, and when we were in an apartment I think it served as their 'dream about nice houses and remodeling' outlet, so the whole lower floor except the kitchen is done in actual wood, hand laid piece by piece. And when I say 'whole lower floor' I'm not talking about two rooms in something that looks like a shelf; this monster is a foursquare. It's two rooms deep -- just about thirty inches. It's open on the back and hinged on the front. I've never seen another dollhouse like it (and I used teh googles!).

I haven't thought about it much in ten years, but now that I can actually bring it home I'm... kind of enthused? I mean, on one level it's ridiculous because A) I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER HOBBY and B) I have a human-sized house that I'm always working on, so surely that home-improvement demon is exorcised enough? And may I remind myself of point A again, and unfinished fan writing and a garden that needs me and a desire to have enough fine art for a show in the nearish future? C'mon, Shades, this is nuts.

But on the other hand, I really don't want to give it away (illogical forceful 'MINE' reaction, wow), and after doing Real House Stuff for a few years all the things I'd always sort of dreamed of fixing on the dollhouse as a kid look so easy now. There's no plumbing! No heavy lifting! And it would never be on my 'to do' list because it'd be an actual hobby, rather than a... whatever it is when all your hobbies have become semi-professional, like my music and my art, or kind of pressing and necessary, like remodeling and gardening.

A single, utterly foolish thing.

So when I've had time to clear out the last of the guest room (there's a table of stuff I need to sort to make room), I think the dollhouse is coming home. And maybe come fall, when the gloom sets in, I'll poke at it. Because I really am a premature old lady, dedicated to my weird spinster aunt hobbies. Even if I abandon them for a decade or so.

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Mon, 17 Jul 2017 20:13:24 GMT

I'm once again in anxious-about-job-ap limbo. I had a phone interview last Tuesday, during which I was told they were trying to schedule real interviews that same week... and I haven't heard anything yay or nay since.

I know silence is better than 'nay', and I get too anxious too soon, but gaaaaaah. *flailing*

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I've got it all figured out, I've got a horse on a string

Tue, 11 Jul 2017 23:52:05 GMT

The last two weeks have been the GOOD kind of crazy, which is much nicer than the bad kind. There's so much to talk about I hardly no where to start.

First, I found out the job I was hoping to apply for was reviewing candidates a week earlier than I expected. I'd given myself an assignment to boost my portfolio cred for this job (which deserves it's own separate post) and suddenly I had to finish it fast, on a day when I'd already committed to be somewhere else. 'Somewhere Else' was my friend's ranch, where I spent the afternoon playing pretty ponies. I took two mares from mudballs to shiny, and in the process I got to lead them around on strings, which is basically all eight year old me wanted in life.

The next day I went for a bikeride. It was 28 miles, which used to be only middling for me and is now quite long. My legs and lungs were fine, but my back was horrible for the next two days. Apparently I lost all my core strength over my illness. "Do boring core exercises" has become a more urgent task on my list.

The back made driving up to and enjoying Fiddle Tunes more difficult, but I did it anyway. First time I've gone up in three years, and wow, I don't think I'd realized how much I missed it. It was made even better by the fact that friends of mine are now living three minutes from the fort, so I had a bed to sleep. It's also more time than I've spent with those friends since they stayed at my place for a week a few years back, so it was great to catch up. I played music with lots of people, chatted with even more, basked in the sun, sketched, and generally had a marvelous time. I could only stay up for two nights, but when I came back down I had the best 're-entry' into 'normal' society I could hope for -- I called my dad round-about Shelton and found out he and some of our musicker crowd who weren't at camp were just about to sit down to dinner downtown, so they saved me a seat and i joined them. The crack was so good, and I was so hyped to play more, that I invited everyone back to my place after dinner, so we had songs and tunes around the fire pit in the back yard (in between fireworks and the neighbor repeatedly mowing the same patch of lawn, because it was national explode things day).

Later that week I had overnight guests from France by way of Quebec, whom I'd never met (kids of friends of friends sorta thing, possibly with more layers than that). I had to get the guest room cleaned out for them, which is GREAT, because next week Erik's mom is coming to visit. He's lived here over 14 years and this is the first time she's come out. It's also her first travel without his dad, and just a big deal all round.

This weekend I had a ton of energy and unexpectedly had my folks' extra vehicle while they were at the Oregon Country Fair, and I ended up getting a ton of stuff done on my house. Lots of little things that I've been meaning to do for ages but hadn't gotten around to:

Replaced 30" hall closet door that blocked almost the whole hallway with two french-opening doors from a bifold door kit with all the hardware removed. I had to chisel two new hinge mortises into the door frame, which was new for me.
Replaced the hall light, because as long as I was working on the hallway I might as well, and because the replacement was a fixture I took out of the laundry room and had stored for three years and I was tired of moving it from place to place.
Replaced the non-functional, noisy-when-functional, and incredibly ugly living room ceiling fan with a nicer looking, quieter, more powerful fan. Turns out the old fan was just wired waaaay too loosely -- one neutral was floating free in the box, and the wire nut pulled right off the hot leads. \o/ I'd never taken a look at 'fixing' it before because it was so dang noisy and had so little airflow that it wasn't worth it, but now all these problems are solved ~~with the power of consumerism~~.
Since I spent all this time up near the ceiling, I also destroyed huge amounts of cobwebs. \o/

Just in case all that isn't ENOUGH, my friend Tom started work on my retaining wall out front, Anthony & Kiyoko joined us for dinner somewhere in there, and I got a phone interview for the job I applied for way back at the beginning of all this! The phone interview was this morning, and I think it went really well.

The world may be going to hell, but with some health-related exceptions, my small corner of it seems to be doing pretty dang well.

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A busy month ahead

Thu, 29 Jun 2017 18:17:00 GMT

(So when is it NOT, you ask? I don't know, dear reader, I really don't know).

I'm hoping to head up to Port Townsend for a few days at Fiddletunes Sunday, and come back down on the 4th. The job I want to apply for closes the fourth, so really I need to get that application in by Sunday, before I leave. We have a rehearsal Sunday, too, and tomorrow I've arranged to go help my coworker, Nancy, with cleaning the winter-muck off some of her horses, which I'm really looking forward to. Tonight there's a concert to go to. Time grows tight. Oh, and I have francophone guests-I-don't-know (daughter of a friend of a friend sorta thing) staying over Thursday the 6th, so the guest room needs to be clean and habitable, and the guest room WAS being the tool room for like three years and is now 'ex tool room dirt explosion', so that's fun.

On the good side, doing the cleaning rush for the guests from Quebec means that I'll have a headstart on the bigger cleaning push for later July, when Erik's mom is finally coming out to visit. She's not staying with me, but I still want the house to be nice, and yarden to be... as nice as I can manage. Erik helped with the latter last night, cleaning and re-arranging the back storage-patio (I have a covered patio running along the back of the house that accrues stuff, and then an uncovered patio that's actually used for sitting or grilling and what not). Then he called me 'nouveau white trash' because A) the storage-patio is always a disaster and B) part of the disaster is a bike tire I have yet to install. But at least I no longer have a lawnmower up on blocks, which I did for awhile.

(Erik is from Connecticut, and he doesn't like most of the middle-class trappings he was brought up with, but I swear the super-Connecticut-ness comes out when confronted with my trashy patio. I never care about the patio because it's the catchall place for the detritus of actually important projects, like big home and yarden improvements -- I have a hard time working on 'tidy' when I want to spend my time working on 'big change'. Even though tidy DOES make it easier to work!).

Oh, and I need to add 'installing that bike tire' to my to-do list. I've been putting it off 'cause the sidewalls are so stiff that installing it is really difficult on my hands. I already switched out the back one (old tire had come apart), and I gave the tube a pinch -flat in the process and had to do it all again. So I'm not eager to do the front.

Oh! And speaking of Trash In My Yarden (because I am hippy trash, my yarden totally shows it, it can't be denied), dad is supposed to finally come 'round with the trailer this weekend and take a bunch of stuff to the dump. YAY!

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A mostly-medical week

Thu, 22 Jun 2017 19:36:58 GMT

I spent Monday and Tuesday up in Seattle for two appointments -- supposed to be three, but the nutritionist got pneumonia. Ended up being two whole days off for two twenty minute appointments, but I got to see Emony and and family and have lunch with Alexis, so that was good. Then yesterday I took the morning off to get an IUD, and the cramping from that turned it into a whole day off, but it's better now.

Today I'm trying to remember how to Job, figure out how to look for Job, and worrying that the next potential job I found may be out of my grasp. I was super excited, but one of the requirements is 'has two years conveying complex scientific information to a lay audience' which... I just don't have. I'm pretty damn sure I can do it! But I've got no way to prove that I can. And it's something I really want to learn how to do, which means it'd actually be a great fit for me, because I need challenges to succeed. :(

Oh, and I have my fiddle student today. And didn't really sleep last night, because I'd napped away the cramps, so I'm tuckered. Oof.

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Still no job news, trying to remain calm

Thu, 08 Jun 2017 23:46:30 GMT

The GOOD news is that I just heard from one of my references. She'd spaced on the email from the Potential Employer for a few days due to Life, but called them today, confirmed she wasn't too late, and sent in a glowing reference. \o/ So it looks like I'm still in the running, and the Potential Employer was waiting on information for the last few days. So now I have another two or three day window of uncertainty during which I am Not Supposed To Panic.

[Speaking of Not Panicking, is there a way to change the little emotion image deelyboppers on dreamwidth? Because the little blue square just doesn't express my soul]

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A week off

Tue, 06 Jun 2017 18:35:47 GMT

I had a job interview Tuesday, and took the rest of the week off. Wednesday I woke up to an 'assignment' in my inbox -- a presentation rebranding the department I'm applying to by 4 p.m. the next day. So that changed up vacation a little bit. My current boss and coworkers know i'm applying elsewhere and are all really supportive, which is great -- and means that I know know they started contacting my references yesterday. Good sign, yeah?

I'd hoped to devote the week to gardening and painting, but there was that application assignment... and errands... and the house was a mess and we had company for dinner Saturday... and, well, I ended up gardening and painting all Monday, so at least I got SOME time in! (I did a little painting before, but it was just the sketch for a new piece, and it doesn't feel like painting).

(Btw, I worked out roughly how much yard I can clear of ivy and blackberries in a serious work session, and how big my lot is minus the house, and it looks like I could manage the whole thing if I just had fifty six days off. If I get this full-time job I applied for I'm hiring help).

Oh, and there was music too, because of course there was. A tune class Wednesday night and a really productive practice with E on Sunday. We moved one of my songs up a whole fourth, from A dorian to D dorian, which means I'm singing it entirely with my head voice. It feels super weird, but Erik says it's pretty and I recorded myself in both keys on my phone and I think he's right. (Besides, it'll let us medley the song with the tune we want, without having to transpose the tune).

Now I'm back at the day job, crossing my fingers about the job I applied for, making progress on current project (more van art), and futzing with connecting my new(ish) portfolio site's blog to other services (Installed JetPack, connected things, really just need to write a new post to test it).

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Great cats, my last post here was three years ago

Fri, 02 Jun 2017 03:30:24 GMT

I have occasionally been thinking it'd be nice to have a blog with reasonable privacy controls again. Not necessary, but nice. Sadly, keeping up with more than two social media platforms at once seems to be beyond me, and Facebook is useful for my local community & music friends and tumblr is where lots of people are and it's just so *easy*, so I've been scarce.

But it really is a good idea. I mean, I'd like to have the interface be less eye-searingly lilac, but the concept is sound.

So, uh, if anyone's still following me (or have me on your read feed or whatever the heck the cool kids are calling it these days) here's what's been going on:

It turns out I have an autoiummune disorder called Mixed Connective Tissue Disease (exciting?) which lead to months of fatigue (totally not exciting)
I had lots of tests and started some meds and eventually the symptoms got way better (exciting!)
There was a Hell Meeting at work during which I was bullied by the HR manager and the prime Smug Condescending Asshat with the cooperation of the big Director, permanently ending any desire I had to stick around and try for my boss's job (exciting in a negative way)
I finished up outside work on the house and got off the permit (exciting in a positive way!)
I applied for a new job a week ago, had an interview this week, and finished up a post-interview homework-assignment today, so we're into fingers crossed tense-waiting time (EXCITING?!?!)

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Baffling Baffles

Wed, 11 Jun 2014 19:35:44 GMT

One of the recurring headaches in my remodeling project is the question of what to do about the attic ventilation baffles. See, I’m only adding 240 square feet of space, but the remodel permit requires me to bring the rest of the attic insulation up to current code — which I’m quite happy to do! I like to be cozy and not throw my money at the utility company! It has this one difficult aspect, though.

Blowing in insulation requires baffles — cardboard or cheapo plastic, doesn’t matter — up between the trusses to keep an air path from the eave to the ridge free of insulation.

Almost all of the ones my house had have fallen down, and have ot be replaced.

There are 30 of these things (my little house is actually quite well ventilated on the intake side of things! Now, if I had more outflow vents that might actually do something!).

I have a plane-jane boring 1960 ranch house. You know the kind. Single story rectangle, roof pitches of 3 or 4 in twelve? That means that in the place where you need to get to install the baffles, you’re looking at a foot between the joists and the roof. A foot to manipulate yourself, the baffle,and your tools.

Did I mention the roofing nails go all the way through and come out the bottom of the sheathing to stab you in the head? They do that.

So I’d finally given up on this insane prospect and decided I’d pay someone to do it for me, but my first quote arrived and…

1. they want almost as much as I paid the (highly skilled) electricians to replace the panel/weatherhead/grounding.

2. the estimator says they’ll do it by stapling cardboard to the bottom of the trusses rather than putting them up IN the trusses (to allow more insulation cover over the top-plate), which is wrong wrong wrong wrong according to every energy efficiency and ventilation source I’ve looked at, and specifically not what I asked for.

I’m really hoping the next estimator is better — at least if you’re going to charge a grand do the damn thing right! — but if not, I’m back to figuring out how to do it myself.

The actual project'll wait 'til it cools off this fall, I suppose. I can dread it quietly until then.

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General Update

Tue, 10 Jun 2014 19:58:31 GMT

I haven't posted here, or really added much to the greater internet jumble lately. There've been an abundance of other things to keep me occupied -- there was the Folklife festival, I had houseguests for a bit over a week, my band continues to practice and played an open mic recently, and I wired my house for Ethernet and built-in audio, added outlets, finished the studio wiring, and sound insulated. I have an electrical inspection (hopefully tomorrow, but they won't promise) and I'm working on drywall shims with the plan of hanging wallboard weekend after father's day.

I've fallen woefully behind on my writing, and it only occasionally snags my interest. Sometimes I feel bad about that and sometimes I don't. Today I'm walking the thin line of a glum mood, so I feel rather bad about it. But my studio has been coming along nicely, and I feel pretty good about most of that! (I do NOT feel good about the quote for attic insulation I received this morning, but that's it).

I'm also working on a freelance design project, at least in theory. In actuality I find it really hard to make myself sit down and work on it, and I know this is because I lack faith in my own ability to make anything decent and I'm afraid of failure. Like, that's it. I want to make something excellent and don't think I will and so I don't want to do it. But knowing that's the block isn't helping me get past the block.

Hell, there's probably some of that in my writing issues, too (the ones not due to pure busy-ness or the lure of Dwarf Fortress. Actually it's probably a factor in wasting time spent on Dwarf Fortress). It seems like it's always a factor -- and one of the reasons I'm feeling good about the studio at the moment is that I pushed past a lot of those 'I'll fuck this up' feelings and cut holes in my house and ran wires and things and was successful at it. I know I just need to DO this, too, same thing, but actually putting that into effect is hard.

Oh and this weekend I totally dropped a hammer on my head cause I was an idiot and left it on top of the ladder and mom told me please don't do that as she already has one brain damaged child, thanks, and... yeah. Things with my brother are still tense with a capital T and several exclamation points, though he HAS collected his first paycheck at a job, so yay! ...but then he threw a giant flaming shit fit on the day we were going to have a celebratory dinner, so my folks cancelled it because they didn't feel like cooking him steak after he'd yelled at them for ten minutes.

Hmph. Dealing with weird sleep caused by sudden onset allergy funtimes hasn't been helping me any, so emergency chocolate measures may be called for.

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Sometimes a rocky start turns out rather marvelous

Fri, 23 May 2014 20:55:15 GMT

I overslept a bit, as I so frequently do, and woke to find it pouring rain. My plan to bike down to yoga at 8:30 and then hang out downtown until an 11:30 meeting (with a design client), and I dithered a bit about going back to bed, but in the end I put on rain clothes and stuffed yoga clothes and street clothes into a panier and went downtown.

I was late to yoga.

I forgot my bike lock.

I seriously didn’t think I could get that soaked in 3 miles.

I stood there at the door of the studio, trying to decide whether I could handle biking back home through the pouring rain, up the hill, with my shoes so water-logged they squelched, and then just hauled my bike into the foyer (the building has a cement floor and I saw another bike in there so that’s okay).

I really needed a towel changing into yoga gear, but I made do (I DID bring a dry pair of socks. I am not a total idiot. If you have dry undies and socks you can handle just about any damp clothes)… and then things started going up!

The lady yoging away next to me said “Oh, hello my friend!” with genuine kindness.

The instructor (who is one of the sweetest people in town, and I know some very sweet people) invited me to store my bike in the studio’s little kitchen for the hours I was downtown, where it’d be both dry and safe.

…she also confirmed that my band would play there for fall artswalk. :)

Yoga was gentler than last week and didn’t kick my ass. Whoo!

After yoga I poked at two shops looking for dresses for a cousin’s wedding, then parked in the coffee shop, planned my meeting questions, and drew people. And I THOUGHT they were out of my favorite lemon cake but it was just HIDING, so that was marvelous, too!

My meeting went really well. I think I”ll really enjoy working with this guy. Which is kinda funny, ‘cause he’s my highschool sweetheart’s dad, and I had no clue what he’d be like — in eight months of dating his son I think I saw him for ten minutes.

On my way out of the shop, someone I could swear I’d never seen before called me by one of my meatspace nicknames (which is also part of the name of my business), leaving me totally confused… until I realized he was sitting with the printer from work. Turns out he’s the owner of the print shop we work with, and he’s seen my email address eighty bajillion times (the nickname is my first initial and last name, thus also my work email address), so it was kinda cool to meet him — and he invited me to stop by the print shop any time and check out their digital press and their letter press set-up. :D And he complimented my work!

Running into nice people just makes my day so much better.

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And there's March!

Thu, 03 Apr 2014 05:50:23 GMT

You may note a great big red chunk out of the middle of 'art' and 'music' -- those were the days leading up to and following the giant St. Patrick's Performance Day of Doom. The art column in particular looks bad, but the daily averages are alright!

Writing: 598 words/day, up 71 from February (due in large part to two epic writing days, one of which logged almost 3000 words).

Music: 55 minutes a day, oddly enough down four minutes from February

Art: 32 minutes a day, up 6 from February. More importantly, a lot of that was solid work on the sheep commission.

I have a particularly eventful Really Good Excuse column for March, starting with a big remodeling day, hitting highlights like "The internet visited!" and "marathon gig holy shit" and ending with that totally unassailable excuse "THERE WAS A GOAT SIMULATOR." No one can judge me for that day wasted, I think.

The next trick will be keeping any of it up in April. With the weather turning outside is looking awfully appealing, and I have high hopes we'll drywall the studio this month. I've also gotten off to a really slow start -- no art or writing the first two days of April, and nada zilch diddly today. No good excuses, either, just a normal workin' Wednesday.

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You are SUPER PRODUCTIVE! It is not very effective.

Mon, 10 Mar 2014 19:18:09 GMT

I had a really productive weekend, especially when you consider that Westrider came down, so there was good visiting and I still managed to get things done (mostly because Westrider is Westrider and helped me with a space!tactics writing issue and didn't mind chatting while I was painting). It was a really good visit, too.

Between a highly productive Friday and some painting time while discussing tacts w/ Westrider (multitasking! W00t!) I finally got a solid start on my sheep commission, painted the numbers on my long-abandoned mailbox (which I'd been avoiding because freehanding 'em is awful) and poked at our pathfinder minis.

I'm still in 'struggling to catch up' mode rather than 'managing to keep pace' or, dream of dreams, 'getting ahead', but at least there's still movement. I'm not feeling terribly motivated, but I'm not as burnt out as I was two weeks ago.

Next weekend is the one before St. Patrick's day, so Saturday will be spent at a gig and Sunday afternoon'll be the final rehearsal before the BIG gig (and then Dad's b-day afterwards, and oh shit I've got diddly for gift ideas). After that we'll go back to once a week practices, which'll be really nice.

I need to call electricians and get quotes on the studio, but having it paused isn't hurting me. There are really only three time-sensitive things I need to do:

1. writing (so I can keep on schedule, which keeps me going)
2. balancing checkbook/doing taxes
3. painting commission

Oh, and 4. Get a B-day present for dad. Okay, so there are four, four time-sensitive things I need to do... whenever I start this it turns into the Spanish Inquisition sketch. :P

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A point about fanfiction

Thu, 06 Mar 2014 00:38:36 GMT

I was cruising through the net, following the cold trail of one of the periodic “Is or is not Fanfic the Ultimate Literary Evil?” arguments that crop up regularly, and I’m now bursting to make a point that I never see made by fic defenders.

We’re all familiar with the normal defenses of fic: it’s done out of love, it’s training, it’s for fun. Those are all good and valid defenses!

But they miss something. They damn with faint praise. Because the thing is, when you commit this particular Ultimate Literary Evil you’ve now told a story. And stories are powerful. The fact that it wasn’t in an original world or with original characters doesn’t necessarily make it less powerful to any given reader.

I would never have made this argument a few years ago. A few years ago I hadn’t received messages from people who were deeply touched by something I wrote in fanfic. So what if it’s only two or three or four people, and I used someone else’s world and characters? For those two or three or four people, I wrote something fucking important. You cannot tell me that isn’t a valid use of my time and expect me to feel chastened. I don’t buy it. I won’t feel ashamed. I will laugh when you call something that touches other people ‘literary masturbation.’ Apparently you’re not too up on your sex terminology.

Someone could argue that if I’d managed the same thing with original characters in an original world, it could’ve touched more people. They might be right! On the other hand, it might never have been accepted for publication, or found a market if self published, and more importantly I would never have written it because I didn’t realize I could write. The story wouldn’t have happened. Instead, thanks to fanfic being a thing, it did. And for two or three or four people it mattered. When we talk about defending fanfic, can we occasionally talk about that?

[x-posted from tumblr]

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Studio & Electrics list

Mon, 03 Mar 2014 21:58:18 GMT

I got a lengthy to-do list from the electrical inspector, and I'm going to try to get it in some sort of order, in hopes that it'll look smaller. And cheaper. (highly unlikely).

Easy and cheap

Buy and install missing romex connector for exterior outlet
tie gas line into ground wire. Purchased extra wire and stake clamp Friday, still need bonding clamp.

Moderate

Remove ALL the outlets already wired, wait until drywall, and replace them ALL with Tamper Proof outlets now required by code (contrary to what I was told at home depot when I spent money on normal outlets). Incredible stroke of luck/generosity: One of dad's friends had an old house totally rewired a year or two back, and after they moved in his wife decided she wanted black outlets instead of white (to match age of house), so he has a bucket of perfectly good tamper proof outlets he's giving me! Yay, 25-30 bucks saved!
Replace the existing 64 year old 12-2 cable to the water heater with 10-2 cable. 'Moderate' because it's thankfully all easily accessible.
Tie electrical system to water lain and drain(s). 'Moderate' because it requires mucking under the house. It may already have been done, or partially done, but if any sections of plumbing were replaced with plastic the system is no longer cohesive and doesn't count.

Hard and/or Expensive

Replace the 150 amp cables running from the meter into the back of the panel with 200 amp. (requires utility disconnect farther up the line, costing over $200 instead of $30 I was expecting for pulling meter)
Replace the old weather abused cables running from weather head down to meter (which I'd always assumed was the utility company's problem and didn't even realize was my responsibility, beyond being totally out of the scope of my project)

The inspector seemed to think that replacing the run from the weatherhead down was something we could do, and he reassured me that the material wasn't expensive, but my dad is understandably scared of messing with the giant cables supplying power to the whole house. I can't blame him. So it looks like I'll need to get a contractor in to do it, and anyone who's had a house knows that means the price just more than doubled. At least.

On the upside, mom came over Saturday and we got the exterior walls insulated (minus the studbay where I'm missing the romex connector and the one containing the electrical panel). The total cash-out for that was only about $35, because I already had half a bundle and it turned out I had money left on the Lowes gift card I bought awhile back (I bought it so I could send my brother back to the store for something without trusting him w/ cash or card).

Also, now that I've squirted disgusting orange fireblock foam into all the wiring holes I know where cheetos come from.

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Pushing through the Crash

Wed, 26 Feb 2014 22:25:36 GMT

The last week or two has seen a significant decrease in my creative output (as tracked on my super nerdy spread sheet!) and, while there are some good excuses -- a trip to Seattle, working on the studio -- a lot of it is that I hit some serious stumbling blocks with my writing, and lost momentum summoned in the nigh inevitable crash. I do tend to a bit of a go-go-go-go-STOP cycle. I can be very happily almost overloaded with projects for quite awhile until I feel them all crashing down around my ears. I don't want to get stuck in the low spot, though, so I've been really, seriously working at pushing through.

Monday night I cancelled my normal game time with Emony42 and used the time to make a decent dinner with enough for lunches, fold some laundry, write, and practice voice for twenty minutes. It was only twenty minutes, but making myself get up from the PC and go do it was hard. That's the crash -- I don't feel bad, exactly, I'm just seriously craving real downtime, preferably in front of a video game. That's really all I want to do.

The spreadsheet is helping me push through, though, with that reminder that even fifteen minutes nets me a little bronze-star reward. It's what got me out of the chair Monday night, and what's keeping me pushing on with writing, especially over the rough spots. I usually don't have a lot of writing-oriented self-doubt, but there's something different in what I'm doing right now -- it's more plot focused, with more changes to canon -- and I'm getting less of the motivating review-crack. More importantly, I'm now getting negative responses, especially this one over-zealous person who seems to want me to write an entirely different story. It's hard to stay motivated when that's the first response you get every time you release something new.

On t'other hand, writing the Giant Thing seems to help motivate me for other projects. It's probably related to the go-go-go-go-CRASH cycle -- when one thing's workin', everything's workin'. Episodic fiction also lets you get something 'in the can' regularly, which helps give little rewards for a long project, and those little rewards help push everything along. Which again explains why having the little reward fall through (either because something just didn't work or because of negative responses) is so demotivating, I suppose.

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So many things!

Mon, 10 Feb 2014 19:55:18 GMT

Pinniped is going to play at the Little Creek Casino (in the lounge bit, not the giant real stage with lighting bit) on St. Patrick's day, for more money than we've ever played for before! Because booking agents are pretty cool! Now, the agent gets 15%, and we're probably going to pay someone to do sound, and we just pre-spent $250 on another nice monitor, so we'll each take home a pretty standard amount -- but we'll do it having invested in the band and (hopefully) had a much easier show. :D

Spurred by that, we had a really long, productive practice on Sunday. We're working on a bunch of new songs, and helping dad work up to his lead vocal debut. I got my first on-stage lead singing thing out of the way last year, and it was frankly horrible, as was the next time, and the time after that -- but each one improved a tiny, and I feel like I'm almost comfortable now. So I'm glad to see dad starting that process, even though I suspect the first few times will be a disaster, just like they were for me. :P

Before practice dad and I worked in the studio. I starteda air-sealing -- inserted foam cord all around the windows -- but it was too cold to use the caulk, so couldn't finish the job. Knocked out an electrical box that was too small and replaced it, cleaned up, etc -- all sorts of little things while dad went around and finished dressing out outlets, which is something that's almost impossible for me to do if my fingers are cold (I can do it just fine if it's not cold; I did all the ones inside the house). I did wire one of the switches, and I got down and pretended to be an electron* with my finger so I could be sure I understood how the switched outlet was wired.

Saturday night I bussed down to traditions (in the snow!) to see Randal Bays play, and had a lovely evening with Jesse, who happened to be there as well. I had lots of offers of rides home -- including from Randal, who's a sweetheart -- but since I live up a mini-mountain I called Erik to rescue me. Ex-Connecticut boy is far more comfortable driving in snow than most of the people here. That meant I was stuck hanging out at Traditions for awhile after everyone else had left, so I bussed other people's tables and helped Dick coil mic cables and such. It was kind of nice. Really a lovely evening all told -- good people and warm soup and cheer inside, pretty snow outside. We sat by the window so we could watch it.

I also wrote a lot this weekend, but since I ended up cutting most of it, I'm not sure where to count it on the 'productivity' meter. I am The Un Writer. :P

*Yes, I know it doesn't really work that way with AC current, but it was close enough, darn it. Leave me to be an electron in peace.

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Lighting descision made!

Mon, 03 Feb 2014 22:18:02 GMT

Dad and I only worked for a few hours Saturday, but they were an eventful few hours. I made a lighting decision! As with so many of my favorite solutions, it's very Cinderella (from Into the Woods): "I know what my decision is -- which is not to decide!"

The non-painting lighting in the studio is going to be track lighting, which only requires one electrical box. I know where it starts, and since it's all modular I can just build on from there. So there'll be a track over the desk area and along that wall, and at some point in the future I can decide to have it either T or turn a corner if I want more light in the other half of the room -- and I can figure out how I deal with it running into the painting fluorescent then. Track lighting looks a lot better than it used to, so it should work out pretty well. I also bought a new panel, and we worked out what we need to do to fit that in. We should be able to finish the rough wiring next weekend and have it inspected next week; then I can start with air-sealing and insulation while we figure out how/when we're switching over the panel.

That was the main accomplishment of a busy weekend. I also went to Trik's son's first birthday*, visited my former fiddle teacher and talked writing shop, went to a Jim Malcolm concert with E, and somehow ended up at the tail end of a (low key) superbowl party at my parents' house. I only showed up -- at the end of the third quarter -- because Anthea (former fiddle teacher) was planning on going and was seriously cajoling me, and I thought there'd be more music and writing talk. The her daughter got sick and only her husband came. (Hopefully B feels better soon -- that family's had really bad luck with illnesses the last few months).

Erik sat in the living room and made cheer and grunting noises at all the appropriate places; I practiced my tenor guitar in the kitchen and chatted with mom.

I also wrote over 2,000 words this weekend, painted minis, and died once in nethack.

*And then another former SO called me today to let me know he has a two year old. This week's theme is exes-with-toddlers, apparently. :P

BTW, I have determined that my cats are at least as amusing as even a cute, happy one-year-old. You can do many of the same amusing activities, like giving them boxes, putting tissue paper on their heads, and seeing how they react to funny noises. I become more interested in kids once they start picking up language, because language acquisition is really fun to watch. Before that... it's really just going through the motions.

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Sat, 01 Feb 2014 16:44:42 GMT

Fiction words written: 16,855. Edited and posted two chapters, wrote a third, and started poking at a new original thing. Only four days with no new words.

Music played: I have no idea because that part of the chart isn't working properly. *headdesk* But I averaged 50 minutes a day, and there were only six days I didn't play something. Vocal confidence significantly improved, managed a movable chord on my tenor, and... can still play fiddle. Yup. Seem to still have that. :P

Art time arted: (Same problem with the chart). Averaged 40 minutes a day, did something arty 20 out of 31 days. (In this case something arty means painting, drawing, or inking -- not design stuff I do at work or 'craft' things like panel prep and priming). Goal for next month is to get more regular with this, since it seems to be the one I have the most trouble with, and where I'm most scattered (I counted molding tiny D&D figures out of greenstuff, for instance, when my aim had been only 2D art. Oops?)

It is good.

February will be better.

I am the zebra.

Now the zebra has to go get dressed and wire her art studio.

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Adulting like crazy

Mon, 27 Jan 2014 17:41:47 GMT

I had a super productive weekend, starting Thursday evening, when I went home with my folks so I could walk my brother through making a particular stir-fry dish I've been cooking a lot. He did okay, though it's a bit tricky to work on a true stirfry when you're pathologically incapable of getting a move on (we preprepped everything; he just wouldn't stir fast enough). I racked up quite a few big sister karmic points this weekend, actually -- E and I played pool with A and an older friend of his from the county democrats (bro is way into politics, and got himself made PCO). It was a bit of a trick to manage gracefully after I'd also spent the whole morning with him 'helping' on my house, but it went pretty well. It's good to have a Thing To Do, and other people around.

The new pool hall on Devoe street has nice equipment, too -- though I enjoyed it a great deal more for the first hour, when the radio was playing classic rock and metal, than I did for the second, when they switched to country. My enjoyment of pool as a past-time is directly related to whether I have music I can feel cool to while doing it. :P

Saturday morning we got some more wire pulled in the studio, dad wired a few more outlets (a job I can and have done everywhere else in my house, but can't do in the studio because it's too damn cold :(), and put up blocking and electrical boxes for the two big fluorescent lights in the painting/drawing area. It was only a few hours of work, but a good way to get back into the swing of things after our two month holiday hiatus*.

I also finally know why I couldn't find the right wattage of light fixtures for the tubes I had my eye on, though I had to write Philips to learn it: they're European. Not even sold here, despite how easy it is to find prices in dollars on the internet. Aaaand that's the problem with lack of localization; I've been reading so many different articles and comments on blog posts I never realized the people touting this particular tube for color work were all in Europe. *head desk* Soooo time to determine the runner up. :P

The studio is just one of the things I worked on this weekend, though! I wrote 1590 words, I made a terrific three-part Chinese feast for our gaming crowd that included things the vegans could nibble on (they bring their own dinner), I made it to yoga Friday morning, I started prepping the panel for my sheep commission, E and I had some really good practice sessions, I fixed a major weirdness in my kitchen that I've been meaning to get to for four years, and I sculpted teeny tiny things on teeny tiny figures!

(The teeny tiny figures are for pathfinder. I had to sculpt a new hand, because E had a flattering but exaggerated opinion of my abilities. I almost managed it, too.)

The four-years-coming kitchen fix took about twenty minutes to do, including time spent working on other things. *headdesk* In fairness, I didnt' have the saw I needed for it until a year ago, and I didn't have the comfort level with the saw until a few months ago. I had asked dad to cut the part for me, but he kept forgetting. See, one of the oddities of this house is that there's a hole between the under-sink cabinet where the trashcans live and the one where I store dry goods. A BIG hole, perfectly aligned with the second shelf of the latter cabinet, apparently to facilitate ambitious cats getting in through cabinet one and skimming meat packaging off the top of the trash. And trash spilling into the cabinet. :| It was gross (and that's one reason the cabinet's always had dry goods -- they're stored hygienically in sealed glass jars, so I wasn't too worried. And thank goodness I have cats, because it would have been rodent heaven). Now that I have the technology -- a circular saw, in this case -- cutting a left-over piece of OSB to cover the hole was a piece of cake, and the kitchen'll be much nicer for it.

Really, the only real downer of the weekend was realizing that our utilities for the month are sky high, and the automatic payments had overdrawn my checking account. I've been adulting so hard in other areas I failed to adult my finances. The account has overdraft protection, though, so I just wince and move on.

Now, I've given myself the day off work (as a sick day -- cramp attack), and have to figure out what to putter on next.

*it wasn't just the holidays -- it was the conjunction of holidays, me needing to make decisions about lights, and dad having work to do on HIS house.

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