So, at lunch I skimmed through recent LJ, skipping all the boring louts (Not you, never you! You know who you are! You're IMPORTANT!)*. Of course I read westrider
's most recent post, 'cause he's my housemate and if dramatic, bitter, sobbing house-wars are going to start, what more likely place than livejournal? So it was that I came across his recent tri-topic post
, which among other things talks about attraction, cuteness, and how everyone around him's been totally gender-of-choice-fixated lately**. It's the third topic down. He then explains quite nicely about how the physical is not paramount for him as far as attraction is concerned.
I know damn well that that I'm one of the culprits, and I have two things to say for myself.
The first is the issue of physical rather than psychological attraction. Now, I could never, ever get away with the pretense that I was as open-minded about physical looks as westrider
. There are certain body types I am attracted to, and that basically holds true except for very special cases. There's really no point in pretending otherwise - it could only end in distress for any parties involved. That being said, there aren't that many people even with the right body-type that I'm actually attracted to, and that's because attraction isn't purely physical. I believe in attraction on first sight (NOT love, nor lust neighther - that is, I believe in the later, but it's not what I'm refering to). I think that's because a lot of a person's personality shines through their face. If someone is loving their life, is engaged with the world around them, has a capacity for humor - you can see a lot
of that within a few seconds of noticing someone, from across the room. It's not always infallible, but it's a damn good hint. You also know who to avoid. As yo mama once said, you keep that look on your face an it'll stick there! The perpetually petulant are not cute. Hence, the guy watching ethnic underground at Folklife was hot - because he was hot, physically, and because he was laughing with a friend, had a great smile (and by that I mean a very genuine
smile), and was one of the first people up dancing. The guitarist for Hot Club Sandwhich (emphatically NOT the one who played at Folklife) was not only gorgeous, but even more clearly loving what he was doing
. That band looked like they had a hell of a lot of fun, in the music, in the company, in life. So, if I say someone was beautiful, or hot, or attractive - know that I wouldn't bother remembering them if it was only a physical quality. Any confusion I lay at the feet of the English language, which doesn't have very good words for anything to do with attraction, love, or relationships in general. Meaings are murky because the vocabulary is woefully inaccurate.
As to the recent rise in frequency, my recent vocal appreciation of various persons is because of the time I spent living with ribbitkisser
and my own general well-being
. Before I lived with Des I kept all romantical musings in my head because I was embarassed and not particularly confident. It is impossible to do that around Des. This is a valuable lesson - get it out in the open where you can joke about it or enjoy it for what it is, because when you lock it up it takes on all the useless importance of deep dark secrets anywhere. Deep dark secrets revealed are so melodramatic.
It also helps that I'm a lot more body-confident than I used to be, which leads in to the second reason I've been commenting a lot. I am pretty happy with my life. I don't kow where the hell it's going, I've certainly got a long list of things I could be doing better (or doing at all), but on the balance things are going really well, and there are fewer looming worries than there have been at any time in the past ten years. Things is awright. In other words, I'm probably at a better mental spot for starting a relationship than I have been at any point past. Evolutionarily speaking (though evolution can leave me out of it), once individual survival is not at stake then, and only then, does the animal think about species survival. I notice guys more because I'm not as wrapped up in my own personal issues.
On a not quite related note, as I was riding home from work today I pulled up at a red light besides a black car, windows rolled down, music blasting. Specifically, blasting the lead up to 'I fight authority, authority always wins...' I nodded to the beat, the 40-ish guy inside said "Ye-ah, baby!" I sang the first bit of the song, the light turns green, and the guy shouts 'Be careful!' as I ride away across the intersection. Now that's what I call a catcall with caring. :)
*As a great graphic designer once said, "Always F*ckin' which' yo head."
**Damn, PC gender-neutrality plays hell with sentence flow and prosody, don't it?