shadesofmauve (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shadesofmauve) wrote2011-12-31 04:13 pm
shadesofmauve) wrote2011-12-31 04:13 pm
Entry tags:
Lots of Thoughts on 2011
I don't feel like filling a year end meme, but if you care to read my meandering introspection, jump to the bold subject that interests you most (or bores you least).
Mass Effect Fandom has been one of the defining points of 2011, which is odd since I haven't been a part of any fandom for over a decade. I dove in because I was inspired/upset by a disability issue that hit me much more strongly than I expected. I've met some really cool people (hi,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
masseffect!), jump-started my flagging creativity, and gotten more involved in broader social-justice-in-media discussions in numerous venues.
It's also been one of the most disappointing parts of the year, since my particular issue... isn't fairing so well. It's strange to not actually share the excitement about the upcoming conclusion to the trilogy I'm a fan of. I'm still interested in seeing parts of it (especially side character development; I've always preferred character-driven fiction over plot-driven, so the fact that I care more about characters than the end of the world should be no surprise) but I'm not enthused. The story I care about isn't happening there anymore; it's happening in my head.
...and I've been writing the story in my head. I've learned that I CAN write that much, that people seem to like it, and that I can turn fiction into a vehicle for things I think are important without turning into an author rant. It feels like options opening up. Now, when I have an idea worth writing, "can I do this?" won't be the thing stopping me. I know I can, and I know roughly how.
By the time it's done it will have taken at least a year of consistent work. That will make it my most time-intensive creative project yet, claiming the record Quartet has held since 2005 (the four paintings of Quartet took about nine months).
I also think my writing has improved, though strangers are the better judge of that.
I've realized I'm a sucker for instant gratification feed-back. It works for me as a motivator. If I hadn't been posting fic chapter by chapter I'd have abandoned the story months ago. I suppose it's a weakness I should try to get over, but meta-gaming my own weaknesses seems to make for better results, so until I discover a secret trove of willpower, I'll just find ways to get feedback at regular intervals.
Creatively, it's been a good year. I haven't done nearly the things I want to do, but I'm moving again. I've let some old over-worked ideas lie fallow to focus on new things. Experiments are happening, ideas are fermenting in the compost pile of my brain. It's a promising feeling.
I've been trying to abandon the perfectionism that says something isn't worth working on unless it's going to be great. Fandom helps, as does the Creativity Challenge and the discussions around that (thanks,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stasia), and all of you who give me that feedback I so adore -- which encourages me to let go of perfectionism long enough to post absolute crap on LJ, so that I can get crit, so I can keep motivated.
I know it's a battle I'll have to keep coming back to, but at least I'm fighting on the right side at the moment. I'm still working on the problem of making time for art when I feel like art is play and should come last. I may try a stricter 30-day type challenge sometime in 2012 to try to break that.
I played a lot of music this year, though it doesn't really feel like it. Pinniped continues to get better and try new things, at our own slow pace. I don't really feel any pressure for it to go faster, which is fine by me. As long as we're growing, I'm not worried about the kinds of gigs we are or aren't getting or how soon we can make a CD. I don't think I'm growing as a fiddler as fast as we're growing as a trio, but after almost twenty years of playing music, I'm okay with the fact that my enthusiasm for personal practice is cyclical.
I got more done on my yarden than I'd expected to (patio! Raised bed! Tree!), and less done on my studio. Most of the hold-up is due to indecision. I knew what I wanted for the yarden; I'm still perfection-paralyzed with making decisions about the studio. I've finished other, smaller house projects, though, and hopefully I'll make more progress on the big one now I've pinpointed the culprit.
On other fronts, year-end summaries don't seem productive. Work is work, family issues are family issues, my sweety is not really food for the blog (though I have to say, we've butted heads less this year than ever before, and he's been far more supportive of my random creative endeavors than I'd ever imagined -- I suppose since he's working on a full-fledged conlang for no particular reason, he's too geeky to throw stones). In 2012 I'll have a few more hours at work and therefore a bit more money, which is nice, but the only thing I really need to deal with on my end is that I've gotten absolutely awful about getting up early enough to get to work on time. THAT has to change to accommodate the new hours.
In short -- No life-changing events, but I'm not stagnating. I'm pretty sure I even leveled up in at least two areas (writing and wiring. Apparently I sort skills alphabetically), which is a pretty great feeling. There are things I need to be better about, as there always are, but I'm looking forward to the New Year.
Mass Effect Fandom has been one of the defining points of 2011, which is odd since I haven't been a part of any fandom for over a decade. I dove in because I was inspired/upset by a disability issue that hit me much more strongly than I expected. I've met some really cool people (hi,
masseffect!), jump-started my flagging creativity, and gotten more involved in broader social-justice-in-media discussions in numerous venues. It's also been one of the most disappointing parts of the year, since my particular issue... isn't fairing so well. It's strange to not actually share the excitement about the upcoming conclusion to the trilogy I'm a fan of. I'm still interested in seeing parts of it (especially side character development; I've always preferred character-driven fiction over plot-driven, so the fact that I care more about characters than the end of the world should be no surprise) but I'm not enthused. The story I care about isn't happening there anymore; it's happening in my head.
...and I've been writing the story in my head. I've learned that I CAN write that much, that people seem to like it, and that I can turn fiction into a vehicle for things I think are important without turning into an author rant. It feels like options opening up. Now, when I have an idea worth writing, "can I do this?" won't be the thing stopping me. I know I can, and I know roughly how.
By the time it's done it will have taken at least a year of consistent work. That will make it my most time-intensive creative project yet, claiming the record Quartet has held since 2005 (the four paintings of Quartet took about nine months).
I also think my writing has improved, though strangers are the better judge of that.
I've realized I'm a sucker for instant gratification feed-back. It works for me as a motivator. If I hadn't been posting fic chapter by chapter I'd have abandoned the story months ago. I suppose it's a weakness I should try to get over, but meta-gaming my own weaknesses seems to make for better results, so until I discover a secret trove of willpower, I'll just find ways to get feedback at regular intervals.
Creatively, it's been a good year. I haven't done nearly the things I want to do, but I'm moving again. I've let some old over-worked ideas lie fallow to focus on new things. Experiments are happening, ideas are fermenting in the compost pile of my brain. It's a promising feeling.
I've been trying to abandon the perfectionism that says something isn't worth working on unless it's going to be great. Fandom helps, as does the Creativity Challenge and the discussions around that (thanks,
stasia), and all of you who give me that feedback I so adore -- which encourages me to let go of perfectionism long enough to post absolute crap on LJ, so that I can get crit, so I can keep motivated.I know it's a battle I'll have to keep coming back to, but at least I'm fighting on the right side at the moment. I'm still working on the problem of making time for art when I feel like art is play and should come last. I may try a stricter 30-day type challenge sometime in 2012 to try to break that.
I played a lot of music this year, though it doesn't really feel like it. Pinniped continues to get better and try new things, at our own slow pace. I don't really feel any pressure for it to go faster, which is fine by me. As long as we're growing, I'm not worried about the kinds of gigs we are or aren't getting or how soon we can make a CD. I don't think I'm growing as a fiddler as fast as we're growing as a trio, but after almost twenty years of playing music, I'm okay with the fact that my enthusiasm for personal practice is cyclical.
I got more done on my yarden than I'd expected to (patio! Raised bed! Tree!), and less done on my studio. Most of the hold-up is due to indecision. I knew what I wanted for the yarden; I'm still perfection-paralyzed with making decisions about the studio. I've finished other, smaller house projects, though, and hopefully I'll make more progress on the big one now I've pinpointed the culprit.
On other fronts, year-end summaries don't seem productive. Work is work, family issues are family issues, my sweety is not really food for the blog (though I have to say, we've butted heads less this year than ever before, and he's been far more supportive of my random creative endeavors than I'd ever imagined -- I suppose since he's working on a full-fledged conlang for no particular reason, he's too geeky to throw stones). In 2012 I'll have a few more hours at work and therefore a bit more money, which is nice, but the only thing I really need to deal with on my end is that I've gotten absolutely awful about getting up early enough to get to work on time. THAT has to change to accommodate the new hours.
In short -- No life-changing events, but I'm not stagnating. I'm pretty sure I even leveled up in at least two areas (writing and wiring. Apparently I sort skills alphabetically), which is a pretty great feeling. There are things I need to be better about, as there always are, but I'm looking forward to the New Year.