shadesofmauve | Entries tagged with this is the year that was...

2014 was a bit of a roller coaster. I did a HUGE amount of work on my house, but I didn’t finish my remodel (I’d honestly thought, in early spring, that I might move into the studio by autumn). My band played some great gigs and made some big improvements, but we also had to cancel to really exciting gigs because I broke a finger. I broke a finger. My neighbor staged the Terrific Goat Mystery, aka Goatdorf. I did recording for a thing that’s now an album! I drug E to my mom’s parents’ place in southern coastal Oregon for the first time. I coped with a few unsuitable-for-tumblr (i.e., involving other people whose issues are not mine to share) crises in an adult way, and while that was exceedingly difficult, I’m proud of myself. I filled up my sketchbook in a year, instead of the two it’s been taking me. I practiced and improved both my guitar and my voice. I wrote, including coming up with original fic seeds.

And I tracked it all.

The ‘Creativity Tracking Log’ spreadsheet that I started on a whim last New Year’s Day survived, against all odds, the entire year. It didn’t transform me into a perfectly productive monster, but it helped — sometimes in ways I wasn’t expecting. Not only did having a little color-change reward help motivate me to do more regular practice, but the diligent recording of both creative practice and really good excuses helped ameliorate the occasional depressive bouts. One common symptom of my down periods is looking back at my last day or week or month and berating myself for ‘not doing anything.’ With a fairly objective record of what I’d actually done always to hand, I couldn’t do that. Depression could not use that particular lie.

I still had a lot of times when I felt I should have done more, or more often, WISHED I could have done more… but it was easier to see where that was reasonable and the many times where it wasn’t. It was easier to balance the bad with the good, since I had it right there to look at. That’s a benefit that I’d never considered and deeply appreciate.

For me, this descriptive tracking seems to be a better tool than prescriptive goals or rules (like ‘don’t break the chain’ or word-a-day minimums). I’m absurdly thankful that I stumbled on the word-tracking spreadsheet that was my log’s genesis — THANK YOU, professional author who’s name I don’t remember!

I’ll post about the actual numbers later, but I suspect that’s only really interesting to me, while the ‘how it worked’… well, that might just help someone else, somehow.

I’m starting a new sheet for 2015, naturally!

I was resisting doing the normal wrap-up post because I didn't feel like rehashing things, but the more I read others' posts and think about it the more I realize that my sense of what happened in 2013 and what happened prior is already slipping, and maybe it's worth doing just so I can look back later. For posterity.

Everything sounds more important if you do it for posterity.

My over-all feeling with 2013 is that there wasn't anything particularly new and it was a pretty good year, which is actually kind of bizarre, when I stop and look at individual events. I suspect it has something to do with having a really very good holiday season, which was also so busy that I've basically blocked everything else out.

2013 People

Three people in my wider music-and-dance community died in less than two months. All were people I liked and respected, people I'd made music with or danced with.

In response to the prior deaths and the feeling of mortality I found a new appreciation for the people around my age. Jesse and I made a pact to play music together on the steps of the Old Irish Musician's Home when we're both 80. (We may have to build it first if such an institution does not exist yet).

My brother moved back in with my parents, which has been very difficult for everyone.

Six years with E, and things have been generally marvelous. There're still places where we have issues, but we both grow, and it's better every year.

Kiyoko stayed with me for ten days :) before she had to go back to Japan. :( I miss her.

I turned thirty, which is under 'people' because many marvelous people came to my birthday party.

Really properly met caladri and corivax, and managed to have dinner with them and E right before the end of the year. It made me realize, among other things, how rarely we do the grown-up dinner thing with anyone other than my folks or emony42 and her husband.

Met stasia in person.

2013 Events

I saw Great Big Sea for the last time, though I didn't know it at the time, with my fambly, Kiyoko, and Emony42.

I injured my foot in a caving accident, which sounds much more glamorous than it was, and was the kind of niggling injury that seemed too little to complain about and too limiting to ignore. It lead to seeing a podiatrist who tried to over-bill me, adding considerably to the mountain of stress that hit me towards the end of the year.

Pinniped played at Folklife -- in driving rain, and cold, but to a crowd that grew as we went on. We also played at the Olympia Farmer's Market (ALSO in unseasonably bad weather!), at a festival in Dupont, and an open mic on Bainbridge (as well as a bunch of private events).

I got my beautiful baby guitar, which still lacks a name.

I had a disastrous tenant whom I suspect was in need of mental help, who failed to go to work, got fired, and ran out on us while I was at work... while leaving a filthy mess for me to clean.

Calliope was bitten badly, requiring antibiotics. Monkey got in a fight and required minor surgery, plus wound care, narcotics, and antibiotics. I decided I probably could've made it as a veterinarian.

2013 Accomplishments

STARTED THE STUDIO PROJECT! At the beginning of the year I was still in the pits of despair trying to figure out how to get around the zoning requirements. Working up to talking with the city administrator was hard. I'm still worried about the yard rearranging I'll have to do to meet the requirements. There have been occasional disasters, but most of the actual remodeling has been GREAT, though. I've learned a lot in the process of working, and I really enjoy working with my dad.

Learned a lot about electricity

posed nude for Kiyoko's photographic fun (Not sure if accomplishment, but definitely a first)

I had a resolution to exercise daily that I kept up for four months, which is about 3 and a half months longer than I thought I'd keep it, and counts as a rousing success.

I finished and posted the last bit of my epic length fanfic. Then my mother read it, which is apparently rather unusual. :P

I started a new wanna-be epic fic, though this one is going more slowly.

Pinniped has definitely improved as a group, and I've improved as a musician, specifically in the area of improv.

I worked on more art than in 2012. Still not a ton, but an improvement!

Built a fence with Awesome Neighbor Michelle.

2014

FINISH MY STUDIO!

Once the studio is finished. Start working on finding a new job, or getting myself in a position to find a new job. This post from March really encapsulates my hopes and fears and issues with that.

More of all the same arts (writing, music, visual) I've been doing, especially when there's a studio.

Holy shit, lots of things happened in 2013. o_O

New Year's Eve we had a fancy dress pathfinder party, and New Year's Day I woke up to cuddles and coffee and a lovely breakfast, and then we had a fun pinniped practice. I'm really feeling pretty optimistic about everything in my life except work.

For the last few months I've found it awkward when someone I only see rarely asks "How've you been?" We all know a very quick reply is expected, and I don't have a quick answer.

( Here's the long one. )

Some of 2012 sucked, but we're done with that. Moving on!

Current Mood: optimistic

I don't feel like filling a year end meme, but if you care to read my meandering introspection, jump to the bold subject that interests you most (or bores you least).

Mass Effect Fandom has been one of the defining points of 2011, which is odd since I haven't been a part of any fandom for over a decade. I dove in because I was inspired/upset by a disability issue that hit me much more strongly than I expected. I've met some really cool people (hi,

masseffect!), jump-started my flagging creativity, and gotten more involved in broader social-justice-in-media discussions in numerous venues.

It's also been one of the most disappointing parts of the year, since my particular issue... isn't fairing so well. It's strange to not actually share the excitement about the upcoming conclusion to the trilogy I'm a fan of. I'm still interested in seeing parts of it (especially side character development; I've always preferred character-driven fiction over plot-driven, so the fact that I care more about characters than the end of the world should be no surprise) but I'm not enthused. The story I care about isn't happening there anymore; it's happening in my head.

...and I've been writing the story in my head. I've learned that I CAN write that much, that people seem to like it, and that I can turn fiction into a vehicle for things I think are important without turning into an author rant. It feels like options opening up. Now, when I have an idea worth writing, "can I do this?" won't be the thing stopping me. I know I can, and I know roughly how.

By the time it's done it will have taken at least a year of consistent work. That will make it my most time-intensive creative project yet, claiming the record Quartet has held since 2005 (the four paintings of Quartet took about nine months).

I also think my writing has improved, though strangers are the better judge of that.

I've realized I'm a sucker for instant gratification feed-back. It works for me as a motivator. If I hadn't been posting fic chapter by chapter I'd have abandoned the story months ago. I suppose it's a weakness I should try to get over, but meta-gaming my own weaknesses seems to make for better results, so until I discover a secret trove of willpower, I'll just find ways to get feedback at regular intervals.

Creatively, it's been a good year. I haven't done nearly the things I want to do, but I'm moving again. I've let some old over-worked ideas lie fallow to focus on new things. Experiments are happening, ideas are fermenting in the compost pile of my brain. It's a promising feeling.

I've been trying to abandon the perfectionism that says something isn't worth working on unless it's going to be great. Fandom helps, as does the Creativity Challenge and the discussions around that (thanks,

stasia), and all of you who give me that feedback I so adore -- which encourages me to let go of perfectionism long enough to post absolute crap on LJ, so that I can get crit, so I can keep motivated.

I know it's a battle I'll have to keep coming back to, but at least I'm fighting on the right side at the moment. I'm still working on the problem of making time for art when I feel like art is play and should come last. I may try a stricter 30-day type challenge sometime in 2012 to try to break that.

I played a lot of music this year, though it doesn't really feel like it. Pinniped continues to get better and try new things, at our own slow pace. I don't really feel any pressure for it to go faster, which is fine by me. As long as we're growing, I'm not worried about the kinds of gigs we are or aren't getting or how soon we can make a CD. I don't think I'm growing as a fiddler as fast as we're growing as a trio, but after almost twenty years of playing music, I'm okay with the fact that my enthusiasm for personal practice is cyclical.

I got more done on my yarden than I'd expected to (patio! Raised bed! Tree!), and less done on my studio. Most of the hold-up is due to indecision. I knew what I wanted for the yarden; I'm still perfection-paralyzed with making decisions about the studio. I've finished other, smaller house projects, though, and hopefully I'll make more progress on the big one now I've pinpointed the culprit.

On other fronts, year-end summaries don't seem productive. Work is work, family issues are family issues, my sweety is not really food for the blog (though I have to say, we've butted heads less this year than ever before, and he's been far more supportive of my random creative endeavors than I'd ever imagined -- I suppose since he's working on a full-fledged conlang for no particular reason, he's too geeky to throw stones). In 2012 I'll have a few more hours at work and therefore a bit more money, which is nice, but the only thing I really need to deal with on my end is that I've gotten absolutely awful about getting up early enough to get to work on time. THAT has to change to accommodate the new hours.

In short -- No life-changing events, but I'm not stagnating. I'm pretty sure I even leveled up in at least two areas (writing and wiring. Apparently I sort skills alphabetically), which is a pretty great feeling. There are things I need to be better about, as there always are, but I'm looking forward to the New Year.

2000: Broke up with first boyfriend. Diagnosed with depression. Was just that little bit too young to vote against Bush the first time around (not that it would have made a difference in Washington). Got run out of a session in Oly. Year 2000: Not that great, actually!

2001: Totally failed to have a space Odyssey. Graduated from high school, went off to Western, lived with

bluwyngz, started one of those relationships referred to afterward as 'a learning experience.'

2002: Learned from said experience. Lived with Rina and got involved helping the Asia University America program at WWU. Finally had art classes where I did actual art, though they were depressingly un-like Dr. Furneaux's academy*, which was my model for a proper art education.

2003: Lived with Haruka and then Kiyoko. Was employed by AUAP as a peer advisor -- loved parts of it, loathed parts of it, developed stress related medical issues, and realized how very American I can be -- in the non-jumped-up-monster-truck-rifles-and-flags ways. Decided that damn it, I was going to travel to other countries.

2004: Was full. I worked for AUAP for two more months; moved mid-school year to live with

ribbitkisser, lost my pet, won an art scholarship, and joined the BS of Comics with the mighty

fenmere. Then my cousin got married, my great grandfather died, and school ended -- I saw the entire Washington stretch of I5 some 7 times in one month, doing finals late, and getting back home only in time to leave for Europe, where I packed my fiddle around France, the UK, and Ireland for five weeks, started a fling, caught and recovered from a cold, and learned that in England, museums have the only free bathrooms. Returned to start my senior year of school, look for work, and apply to grad schools. Started seriously making comics.

2005: Made comics, then stopped. Never found a 'real' job -- fed myself on busking money and odd freelance stuff. Did not get into grad school; cold-called every designer in the Oly phonebook instead, until I found one willing to interview me. Got that BA after my name, moved back in with my parents, totally broke. Started working at chris barnes design and then at Olympia Art & Frame. Started playing D&D.

2006: Hired by TRL; quit Oly Art and Frame. Still working two jobs, got an appartment in Oly with

westrider; when he moved out got a new room-mate (Jordan). Started the session at O'Blarney's, started playing music with Gerald.

2007: Quit cbd and worked only ONE job for the first time in too long. Ended the long-distance fling. Started biking for FUN again, not just transport, and became better friends wit Brad. Went to Japan, came back, went to Arizona. Met my mom's super-extended family for the first time. Started going out with Erik and deified

q13_exe.

2008: Met Ursula Le Guin through work; showed her my art. Awesome! Rode a century with Brad. Went to the UK for

bluwyngz's and

pyoor_excuse's wedding; took a jaunt to France with

didotwite while I was in the neighborhood. Was the roommate of

notyourroommate. Had the worst work meetings ever.

2009: Was afraid of loosing my job. Lost my dearly loved great grandma. Attended five friends' weddings (played for

noiie and my neighbors, was maid of honor for

emony42, ate things at Evan&Masayo's and played with a theramin at

q13_exe's). Have dated Erik longer than I've ever been with anyone else. Bought a house and rented rooms to

madalchemist and

notyourroommate.

Wow. It's not only a rather long time to try to evaluate at once, but it spans huge life-changes -- from being a kid in my folks' house to being employed and owning my own. I'll never be comfortable thinking of years 2000-2005 as discreet years, anyway: it'll always be the school year 00-01, or my senior year of WWU, or what have you. Still, I suppose the fact that it's difficult to conceive of all at once is why there's value in the exercise.

*Read Joan Aiken's BLack Hearts in Battersea.

Current Mood: Wow.

Happy new year!

2008 started off amazingly productive, dipped into a hectic and financially painful dive towards mid-year, involved both the best and worst work experiences ever, and finally descended into depressive stress only to be salvaged New year's eve. Pretty damn dramatic, all told.

Lots of firsts for me --

I had art in a gallery, and it sold
Someone I didn't know bought my art AND commissioned more
I did a piece of genuine illustration, and because of it...
I met Ursula K. Le Guin
I rode a century! (with a lot of help and encouragement from Brad)
Erik and I have been together a whole year - first time I've managed that with someone who's in the same vicinity
Otter's Holt formed, practiced, and played in public

Less monumental, bust still important -
I built Gonzales
I finally, finally revamped Skellington Art
Wrote two tunes (The Wrong Waltz and Nancy's Sparrow) - something I haven't done since 2001.
Attended

bluwyngz and

pyoorexcuse's wedding
Found a cool new room-mate

So, compared to my goals this time last year, I'd say two out of three ain't bad. I've done a lot of art and music, and though I didn't comic, I realized how much I miss that and illustration, and I'm going to work on it in 2009. One of my major goals is acquiring a light-table, to encourage illustration and comics.

( First lines of first posts of every month: 2008 )

I agree with

kehrli that a somewhat slower 2008 would be lovely, and with

westrider that I'm, to put it mildly, a bit jazzed to see the back of 2007 and get into 2008. Though, to tell the truth, the later part of the year treated me rather well, it got off to such a rocky start it left a lingering bad taste.

And what about 2008?

Art.
Music.
Comics, finally, because I'm On A Mission From God*.
A few more mornings like this morning wouldn't be too bad, either...mmmmm.

Those aren't resolutions so much as wishes and intentions, and I have no problem with that.

Now, I'm going to do something to my hair, put on a ridiculously sparkly dress, and take Erik contra dancing until midnight. New years rocks.

*He Called me! This afternoon! On the phone! Take that, unbelievers - Lets get some peace on this muthafuckin earth!

Current Mood: content
Current Music: Ways to Love - Jason Webley

The first sentence of the first post of each month. I particularly enjoy April, which was an underappreciated sentence at the time I wrote it.

Enjoy the next 360 deg revolution 'round the sun. Bomb? Today was my last day at chris barnes design. There should be a percussion instrument where, when the percussionist whacks it, it goes "GRONK!" and eats him. Um... I think some of my characters have been getting it on behind my back. My feet go pad-pad-pad on the grass and slappity-slappity on the sidewalk. FiddleTunes was an emotional roller coaster. So, if all goes well on the ticket buying front I'll be off to Japan in September for two weeks. While sitting around playing mexican train...So, I've had occasion to say some rather critical things of my mother's family, but for the record, let us all remember that no matter how offbeat and irrational my grandfather can be, none of his branch of the family gets shouting-drunk in public, especially when they have kids to take care of.Y'know how one occasionally hears a gal bemoan the fact that she'll never find a man like her father, and one immediately starts thinking along the lines of 1950s male-dependency Electra complexes, and please, can't we have a little imagination? Saturday morning, still sick and running late to meet westrider at the Seattle Center.

In summation, it's been yet another strange roller coaster year, I write really long sentences, and I need to stop starting journal entries with "So."