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Feeling precarious
November 26th, 2013 11:07 amStudio is still paused for lighting research/confusion, bus parental helper, and holidays. Had another relaxing weekend. It feels kind of wrong, though, like there are eleventy-twelve things I should be doing and I just can't remember any of them. I probably should have cleaned the house nicely, and balanced the checkbook (which I've been avoiding, because who really wants to know how much money they've spent on a big project?), and worked on various personal projects. Instead I made and sent the thumbnails for my painting commission (yay!)... and played in the Skyrim Creation Kit.
That last holds two bits of profound insight into my psyche and coping strategies, I think. First and most obviously, I like to use games to give myself control over my world when I don't have it otherwise (Minecraft! Skyrim remodeling!). Secondly, I love learning new things. I love learning new things to the point where it's actively detrimental, because I'm so bad at focusing on old things. And I'm good at it, too -- my initial learning curve goes ZOOM, which provides a really nice ego buzz for awhile. And then, eventually, I realize I've been doing the thing long enough that it's not new, the learning curve has slowed, and I really should be better at it by now, or more focused, or whatever.
I am SO GOOD at being a newb. That 'focus until mastery' thing is the bit where I have trouble.
I really hate level grinding.
I only want quest XP.
(This is the opposite problem from that experienced by a few friends of mine, who are so used to being really good at what they do that being a beginner is hard).
I think I HAVE managed to master the pork-and-bell-pepper stir fry I've been making, so a good dinner was one of the weekend accomplishments, and E and I read Nine Goblins aloud to each other while making/eating/digesting.
Monday sucked. Manufactured emergencies at work and bills when I got home. One account cancelled a recurring payment, informed me of this via email, then said my email wasn't registered when I went to the site. The podiatrist's revised bill arrived, and while they did remove the charge for the X-ray I didn't need and wasn't willing to pay for, they tacked on another one, on a totally different day, which they just flat-out made up. And I still haven't dealt with the insurance company (or the administrating insurance pool -- not sure which I'm supposed to be calling) about the deductible adjustment I was *supposed* to get, so there's that to do, too. Then I still have to pay the $400 bill... which is chump change as far as the American Medical Industry is concerned, but still a lot of Do Not Want.
Oh! And my little brother may have celiac; may, in fact, have had it since he was tiny, but had too much other stuff going on for anyone to notice. Which means it may have done irreparable damage. So, since it's genetic, my mom now wants me to get tested for that if it turns out he has it (it can be asymptomatic and still damaging), and I'm more in the mode where I don't want to go to the doctor unless something is actually falling off, just because money. (And there's all sorts of lovely familial emotional stuff from oh-god-his-whole-life-could've-been-different-if-we'd-noticed-this-sooner-how-much-is-our-fault, too, but let's not even GO there).
The 'upside' of the foot injections is that I've now burnt through my deductible, which means IF I can find shoes and IF I can get them in to be modified before the new year, the first pair'll only cost me $50 instead of $550. Except I hate shoe shopping (for all the obvious reasons) even when I don't have a time crunch. Joy.
Why does the expensive shit hit the fan around the holidays?
(Oh -- and my org DOES offer a lower deductible plan, but as a pro-rated part timer it's cheaper for me to have this one... at least it was. It's hard to tell, since they sent out no information and they kept stalling over union negotiations so we don't actually know how much work'll pay even though the open enrollment period is over).
And I still feel like I'm forgetting something. Something really important. Like I'm letting people down and flaking out, and I'm not sure on what.
Damn it, though, Beth's coming down from Vancouver today, we're all going to eat a lovely dinner at the thai house, and there'll be the session. Then it's only one more day of work until the turkey fest, and I get to relax with family and chosen-family and drink wine like it was an endurance event, and then I get to meet Stasia in meatspace!
Oh, and put someone up from that crowd in my 'guest' room... which means oh shit, I need to clean.
And we need a folklife application by saturday.
And I'm going to miss the deadline for reducing my deductible next year... but wtf, it doesn't seem to be working for me this year.
That last holds two bits of profound insight into my psyche and coping strategies, I think. First and most obviously, I like to use games to give myself control over my world when I don't have it otherwise (Minecraft! Skyrim remodeling!). Secondly, I love learning new things. I love learning new things to the point where it's actively detrimental, because I'm so bad at focusing on old things. And I'm good at it, too -- my initial learning curve goes ZOOM, which provides a really nice ego buzz for awhile. And then, eventually, I realize I've been doing the thing long enough that it's not new, the learning curve has slowed, and I really should be better at it by now, or more focused, or whatever.
I am SO GOOD at being a newb. That 'focus until mastery' thing is the bit where I have trouble.
I really hate level grinding.
I only want quest XP.
(This is the opposite problem from that experienced by a few friends of mine, who are so used to being really good at what they do that being a beginner is hard).
I think I HAVE managed to master the pork-and-bell-pepper stir fry I've been making, so a good dinner was one of the weekend accomplishments, and E and I read Nine Goblins aloud to each other while making/eating/digesting.
Monday sucked. Manufactured emergencies at work and bills when I got home. One account cancelled a recurring payment, informed me of this via email, then said my email wasn't registered when I went to the site. The podiatrist's revised bill arrived, and while they did remove the charge for the X-ray I didn't need and wasn't willing to pay for, they tacked on another one, on a totally different day, which they just flat-out made up. And I still haven't dealt with the insurance company (or the administrating insurance pool -- not sure which I'm supposed to be calling) about the deductible adjustment I was *supposed* to get, so there's that to do, too. Then I still have to pay the $400 bill... which is chump change as far as the American Medical Industry is concerned, but still a lot of Do Not Want.
Oh! And my little brother may have celiac; may, in fact, have had it since he was tiny, but had too much other stuff going on for anyone to notice. Which means it may have done irreparable damage. So, since it's genetic, my mom now wants me to get tested for that if it turns out he has it (it can be asymptomatic and still damaging), and I'm more in the mode where I don't want to go to the doctor unless something is actually falling off, just because money. (And there's all sorts of lovely familial emotional stuff from oh-god-his-whole-life-could've-been-different-if-we'd-noticed-this-sooner-how-much-is-our-fault, too, but let's not even GO there).
The 'upside' of the foot injections is that I've now burnt through my deductible, which means IF I can find shoes and IF I can get them in to be modified before the new year, the first pair'll only cost me $50 instead of $550. Except I hate shoe shopping (for all the obvious reasons) even when I don't have a time crunch. Joy.
Why does the expensive shit hit the fan around the holidays?
(Oh -- and my org DOES offer a lower deductible plan, but as a pro-rated part timer it's cheaper for me to have this one... at least it was. It's hard to tell, since they sent out no information and they kept stalling over union negotiations so we don't actually know how much work'll pay even though the open enrollment period is over).
And I still feel like I'm forgetting something. Something really important. Like I'm letting people down and flaking out, and I'm not sure on what.
Damn it, though, Beth's coming down from Vancouver today, we're all going to eat a lovely dinner at the thai house, and there'll be the session. Then it's only one more day of work until the turkey fest, and I get to relax with family and chosen-family and drink wine like it was an endurance event, and then I get to meet Stasia in meatspace!
Oh, and put someone up from that crowd in my 'guest' room... which means oh shit, I need to clean.
And we need a folklife application by saturday.
And I'm going to miss the deadline for reducing my deductible next year... but wtf, it doesn't seem to be working for me this year.
