This is my family's dinner table conversation

[shadesofmauve]

E and I went over to mom and dad's for rehearsal tonight, and had a lovely meal (beef roast, red wine, and polenta, mmmm). Over dinner the subject of the recent right-wing attacks against birth control came up, which isn't strange: we're all pretty politically aware, and my parents both work for the department of health, so it's very much on the radar.

What my parents apparently hadn't heard was the Santorum donor who said that an aspirin held between the knees was good enough contraception, so I told them.

Mom looked bewildered for a moment, then said "But -- you just roll over! It still works from behind! I mean, really, wow, they must be boring in bed!"

I pointed out that was the same issue I've found discussing sex and disabilities -- whenever the issue of brittle bones and bonin' comes up in fandom, someone says "Would top or bottom work better?" as if those are the only two choices.

By that point mom was just spluttering "Or?! OR?!" In a tone of voice that said "THIS IS NOT A BINARY CHOICE. THIS IS A BUFFET."

E (my boyfriend, in case that isn't abundantly clear): "Well, for a certain type, if it's not guy on top it's not moral, right?"

Dad: "Man, I'm glad we're not them. We have so much more fun."

Cue the rest of the meal veering into a discussion of how open-minded people have better sex lives.

Comments

[stasia]

WOO!!

Stasia

[shadesofmauve]

Y'know, I think you'd get along quite well with my mom. :P

[stasia]

She sounds like fun!

Stasia

[opalgirl28.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

Oh, wow. I just Googled the aspirin comment (because this war on women is bullshit and being angry might help me wake up) and... yeah. If that actually worked and if it was a common thing, I don't think my mother's older brother (born in '58) would be here.

ETA: Okay, apparently he meant in the context of "hold an aspirin between your knees so you'll keep your legs closed" and... that's possibly worse. <.<. (People suck).

(Also, re: Joker and "bonin'": I know that he *could* probably make it work somehow, but my brain just isn't quite sure *how*, if that makes sense?)

[shadesofmauve]

Yup, the aspirin comment is basically "If only you silly sluts would keep your legs shut" bullshit (hence mom's 'well, even with your legs shut it works from behind!' comment...). I cannot believe we are still having this conversation in 2012.

Sure, that makes sense, and unless you're in a relationship where it's applicable, it's not exactly nessecary to have an encyclopedic knowledge of sexual work-arounds for various disabilities -- it's enough to realize that others have figured it out and not jump to silly assumptions.

For your curiosity's sake, though -- long bones (arms and legs) are the most effected by OI; the pelvis is less effected, and of course bowl shaped and built to withstand all kinds of pressure. What arms and legs really can't take is torque or sheer pressure, and if someone's a regular chair user there's also general muscular strength issues. Even so, for someone really severely affected (not able to walk unaided, for instance), there's always laying on your side -- no pressure on legs at all, very little anywhere else, and fairly easy to vary in interesting ways. :P That's really only the beginning of possibilities.

And hey, a friend sent me this marvelous quote by an actress with OI:

"With the kind of sex we were having I will never know how I did not break every bone in my body. Given half the chance I would swing from the chandelier. But somehow I got away with it. I think it is to do with the fact that I was relaxed. Plus my hormones were kicking around, which I feel must have had a very positive impact on my body. My experience with my brittle bones has always been that if I tense up, it makes me much more likely to break something. The times I have fallen and got injured are inevitably the ones when I have gone through that process of watching myself hitting the floor. During sex, of course, I'm not thinking like that, so in many ways it liberates me from the disability for a while. But I also think that as you get to know a partner, they realise what you feel comfortable with and what your limits are. "

Which more than implies that they weren't being exactly limited. :P

[elialshadowpine.livejournal.com]

Seriously. I see it come up in writer's groups, too, in regards to injured characters (because finding people writing about disabled characters that are having sex is like... yeah...) -- and WTF do these people have NO IMAGINATION.

It is really sad when I was writing porn with more variance in position as a 17yo virgin than some middle aged people can consider. *headdesk*

[shadesofmauve]

I know, right? I can't figure it out, and I pity the poor fools they take to bed. I'm kind of curious about it, really -- the very narrow view seems to go hand-in-hand with the narrow view of what sex is frequently (which can lead to things like teens making abstinence pledges and then picking up a shit ton of STIs because of all the oral/anal -- if it's not got penis in vagina it doesn't count, LALLALALA). Most of the more liberal people I know have a fairly open idea of what constitutes sex.

With regard to sex and disabled characters: I was talking about it with a writer friend because I'm working on fanfic in which the main character has Osteogenesis Imperfecta, and my friend mentioned that his cowriter JUST published a book in which the MC is paraplegic (and yes, there are sex scenes). I haven't picked up a copy yet, but it's The Wicked Instead if you're interested!