shadesofmauve: (Default)
I'm good at confrontation. I wouldn't say I like it, exactly -- it's easier when people get along -- but I'd far rather a single clean confrontation than a long slow stew. I like to have it out and be done with it.

I'm not so good at conflict, especially the long, organized kind of conflict, like real political organizing, or worse, organizing at work. I suspect they're related -- one pitched battle instead of long slow slog. Part of it is probably awareness of my own energy -- I can get riled up in the heat of the moment, but after not-too-long it all winds down and I just want to hide in my yarden and not face whatever-it-was ever again. Clear cut fights -- or discussions, or apologies, whatever is necessary -- and closure are far easier.

I developed the preference while I was still in high school, and usually it works to my advantage* -- in part because it's often unexpected, and in part because if you're clear and upfront other people get used to it, and don't expect you're some kind of ticking time bomb.

This revelation is brought to you by Politics at Work (tm). I'm just fine with the face-to-face, individual level, but exhausted by stuff at the group level done over a longer-term. And secrecy, hell, there's that too. It all becomes oh-so-much-more-so when you start feeling like the other side is in it for the fight, while you're in it for a solution -- like fighting with my Narsty Neighbor all over again (speaking of a place where my preferred style Would Not Work -- 'let's get this out and over with' doesn't work when the other party is in it to get a high off of being angry). It's not the same motive, but the oh-god-you're-just-going-to-wade-farther-into-the-quicksand-WTF-are-you-doing feeling is kind of the same.


*especially in high school. Teachers were generally unprepared for a student who would say "Yes, it's late. Is there something I should do about it? If not, I'm going to sit down" or worse, just tell them "No. That is not an option." Oh, Freddy, the looks on their faces!

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shadesofmauve

August 2017

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