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I went to Don's memorial Sunday, and in my recent position of memorial connoisseur, I can say that from where I stand, this one was the best.
No microphone, no program, no stage, no regimented seating, no one with any official capacity whatsoever. Just a decently big house, a potluck, and Carol (with her dance caller's carrying voice) facilitating. She read two messages sent by people who couldn't be there. Kay (Don's widow) spoke, and then it was opened up to anyone who wanted to talk (Carol had a slightly higher chair so she could see everyone and make sure anyone who wanted to talk could).
After about an hour and a half of sharing stories as people thought of them, there was food. I left before the music/dances got going (my wrist and thumb were giving me trouble, so I couldn't really play, and I was supposed to go join E at a friends' game day), but Carol called dances Don wrote. Pretty cool.
I think the most important element of a wake/memorial/celebration of life is that it helps with the grieving process for the people who were closest to the deceased. That said, it was striking how much more comfortable I was with this one, where nothing even vaguely spiritual was mentioned, compared to Barb's, which was full of "She's here, she's watching us, she's in that corner joining in." It was totally appropriate, mind -- spirituality was a huge part of her life! It's just one of those (really irrelevant) things one notices.
Most importantly: Jesse and I shared a huuuuge hug and made a firm date, as members of the younger set, to be playing music together in 50 years on the porch of the Old Irish Musician's Home.
No microphone, no program, no stage, no regimented seating, no one with any official capacity whatsoever. Just a decently big house, a potluck, and Carol (with her dance caller's carrying voice) facilitating. She read two messages sent by people who couldn't be there. Kay (Don's widow) spoke, and then it was opened up to anyone who wanted to talk (Carol had a slightly higher chair so she could see everyone and make sure anyone who wanted to talk could).
After about an hour and a half of sharing stories as people thought of them, there was food. I left before the music/dances got going (my wrist and thumb were giving me trouble, so I couldn't really play, and I was supposed to go join E at a friends' game day), but Carol called dances Don wrote. Pretty cool.
I think the most important element of a wake/memorial/celebration of life is that it helps with the grieving process for the people who were closest to the deceased. That said, it was striking how much more comfortable I was with this one, where nothing even vaguely spiritual was mentioned, compared to Barb's, which was full of "She's here, she's watching us, she's in that corner joining in." It was totally appropriate, mind -- spirituality was a huge part of her life! It's just one of those (really irrelevant) things one notices.
Most importantly: Jesse and I shared a huuuuge hug and made a firm date, as members of the younger set, to be playing music together in 50 years on the porch of the Old Irish Musician's Home.
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Date: 2013-02-12 03:11 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2013-02-12 06:23 pm (UTC)From:I always thought wakes/funerals/memorials were also there to give you a good script to follow so those closest to the deceased can feel like they're doing SOMETHING while they grieve. Gives them a focus, I guess.
Sorry to hear about all these losses. That's too bad.