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The first in an attempted series of thoughtful posts. My aim isn't to rant; it's to educate. If anything is unclear, please ask. I will refer to Mass Effect frequently, because the games and their fandom are the catalysts for this, but they aren't actually the content. All non-fans need to know is that the character Joker has Osteogenesis Imperfecta (brittle bone disease or Vrolik's syndrome)... and that in ME3, the powers that be decided to hook him up with an AI robot.
Yesterday I found myself arguing about Joker with a reader of my fan fic A Star to Steer Her By. Usually I wouldn't argue character interpretation, but in this case I found the (clearly well-intentioned!)argument insulting.
The commenter saw Joker as insecure, as absolutely terrified that he'd hurt himself, until he started being a BAMF at the end of ME2 and had EDI 'coax him out of his shell'symbolizing his transformation from ugly caterpillar into beautiful butterfly. There are a few reasons this is a bit painful -- I've always thought the idea that anyone could be 'fixed' by anyone but themselves was a dangerous notion -- but I think at root, it's the same thing I found insulting about a particular ambient dialogue in the game.
In the dialogue, Joker (who is 31 years old and has osteogenesis imperfecta) solicits advice on how to safely have sex from an alien doctor. The advice boils down to physical therapy, creative positions, and cushions. Joker is portrayed as surprised by this.
Let me make this perfectly clear for those who are physically-typical/able-bodied: Those of us who face physical limitations know our bodies and our limits. We know them better than outside observers ever will, better than most able-bodied people know their own, and sooner than most people, too. When you're more limited in an area you run up to (and past) that limit more often and so you know exactly where it is. It's not an issue of introspection, it's an issue of day-to-day functionality and survival. Managing your own capabilities and meta-gaming what your body can do is a vital part of leading a full life. My good friend (and my-body-is-a-factory-second Mentor) recently said that coping was all about hobbies: "Just like some people tinker on classic cars, you have to learn to appreciate your little maintenance hobbies. As you get older, you'll get a lot more hobbies -- and you'll get them sooner than everyone else."
It's infantilizing to suggest that a disabled character is either ignorant of physical therapy and basic sex options or irrationally terrified of hurting themselves, because both suggest they haven't been paying any attention for their entire lives. Joker shouldn't be irrationally afraid of breaking himself; he'd know the exact limits of his own bones before he was even a teen (being cautious and responsible is entirely different from being terrified, note). It's not an issue of interpretation; it's just how people with disabilities live their lives*. Unless treatment modalities totally change for the worse, physical therapy would have been a part of his life since before he could talk. Working out how to have sex within his limits was probably half of how he spent his teen daydreaming -- just like everyone else. In case standard creativity couldn't do it, I'm sure the helpful pamphlet at the doc's office ("OI and You: The Bedroom") had some interesting illustrations -- and again, unless societal attitudes about sex have actually gotten worse in the future, that hypothetical pamphlet was available as a teen.
Unfortunately, people underestimate how much a PwD knows about their own body all the time. People you've only known for five minutes offer Brilliant Suggestions** or say you need to Keep Positive or 'just try harder', as if Random Stranger B can think of something in five minutes that you haven't noticed in a life-time of managing your body and limits.***
Not acknowledging a PwD's self-awareness can also lead to an odd blame-swa; in the game dialogue, Joker clearly doubts himself and is intensely self-concious; in the interpretation I objected to Joker is desperately insecure about his own abilities and frightened of hurting himself. Both put the onus squarely on Joker: he needs to just 'get over it' to make everything peachy. That lets everyone else off the hook.
If my own experience and that of friends and aquaintances is anything to go by -- if the writing in the first game is anything to go by -- Joker isn't insecure about his abilities. He's insecure about how others perceive him, and therefore perceive his abilities. He knows what he can do -- how could he not? Obviously this applies to sex and relationships, as well -- the issue is not thinking oneself incapable, it's being afraid that everyone else will think you incapable and never give you a chance. Suggesting it's all in your head is belittling and ignores a very real problem.
*This wasn't always the case -- for awhile people thought the only way to raise a child with OI was to carry them around on cushions and guard them from the world -- but we haven't lived in that world for decades, and only the well-to-do inhabited it then.
**I wrote a scene for Star in which Joker complains about idiots who 'helpfully' suggest he should 'drink more milk.' I wish I hadn't cut it for flow reasons, because it's exactly the kind of face-palm worthy comment I want people to be aware of.
***I strongly believe that a lot of this unsolicited advice comes from a deep seated desire to do something, anything to help. Seeing something they can't 'fix' makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I understand that, and in person I try to respond to the intent, but it'd be nice if people realized that they're offering to help to make themselves more comfortable.
Yesterday I found myself arguing about Joker with a reader of my fan fic A Star to Steer Her By. Usually I wouldn't argue character interpretation, but in this case I found the (clearly well-intentioned!)argument insulting.
The commenter saw Joker as insecure, as absolutely terrified that he'd hurt himself, until he started being a BAMF at the end of ME2 and had EDI 'coax him out of his shell'
In the dialogue, Joker (who is 31 years old and has osteogenesis imperfecta) solicits advice on how to safely have sex from an alien doctor. The advice boils down to physical therapy, creative positions, and cushions. Joker is portrayed as surprised by this.
Let me make this perfectly clear for those who are physically-typical/able-bodied: Those of us who face physical limitations know our bodies and our limits. We know them better than outside observers ever will, better than most able-bodied people know their own, and sooner than most people, too. When you're more limited in an area you run up to (and past) that limit more often and so you know exactly where it is. It's not an issue of introspection, it's an issue of day-to-day functionality and survival. Managing your own capabilities and meta-gaming what your body can do is a vital part of leading a full life. My good friend (and my-body-is-a-factory-second Mentor) recently said that coping was all about hobbies: "Just like some people tinker on classic cars, you have to learn to appreciate your little maintenance hobbies. As you get older, you'll get a lot more hobbies -- and you'll get them sooner than everyone else."
It's infantilizing to suggest that a disabled character is either ignorant of physical therapy and basic sex options or irrationally terrified of hurting themselves, because both suggest they haven't been paying any attention for their entire lives. Joker shouldn't be irrationally afraid of breaking himself; he'd know the exact limits of his own bones before he was even a teen (being cautious and responsible is entirely different from being terrified, note). It's not an issue of interpretation; it's just how people with disabilities live their lives*. Unless treatment modalities totally change for the worse, physical therapy would have been a part of his life since before he could talk. Working out how to have sex within his limits was probably half of how he spent his teen daydreaming -- just like everyone else. In case standard creativity couldn't do it, I'm sure the helpful pamphlet at the doc's office ("OI and You: The Bedroom") had some interesting illustrations -- and again, unless societal attitudes about sex have actually gotten worse in the future, that hypothetical pamphlet was available as a teen.
Unfortunately, people underestimate how much a PwD knows about their own body all the time. People you've only known for five minutes offer Brilliant Suggestions** or say you need to Keep Positive or 'just try harder', as if Random Stranger B can think of something in five minutes that you haven't noticed in a life-time of managing your body and limits.***
Not acknowledging a PwD's self-awareness can also lead to an odd blame-swa; in the game dialogue, Joker clearly doubts himself and is intensely self-concious; in the interpretation I objected to Joker is desperately insecure about his own abilities and frightened of hurting himself. Both put the onus squarely on Joker: he needs to just 'get over it' to make everything peachy. That lets everyone else off the hook.
If my own experience and that of friends and aquaintances is anything to go by -- if the writing in the first game is anything to go by -- Joker isn't insecure about his abilities. He's insecure about how others perceive him, and therefore perceive his abilities. He knows what he can do -- how could he not? Obviously this applies to sex and relationships, as well -- the issue is not thinking oneself incapable, it's being afraid that everyone else will think you incapable and never give you a chance. Suggesting it's all in your head is belittling and ignores a very real problem.
*This wasn't always the case -- for awhile people thought the only way to raise a child with OI was to carry them around on cushions and guard them from the world -- but we haven't lived in that world for decades, and only the well-to-do inhabited it then.
**I wrote a scene for Star in which Joker complains about idiots who 'helpfully' suggest he should 'drink more milk.' I wish I hadn't cut it for flow reasons, because it's exactly the kind of face-palm worthy comment I want people to be aware of.
***I strongly believe that a lot of this unsolicited advice comes from a deep seated desire to do something, anything to help. Seeing something they can't 'fix' makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I understand that, and in person I try to respond to the intent, but it'd be nice if people realized that they're offering to help to make themselves more comfortable.
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no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 09:18 pm (UTC)From:I have hella brain fog right now and can't give this the insightful comment it deserves; I'll try to remember when my head decides to be functional again.
But I wanted to say thank you. Write all the essays! They're absolutely wonderful, and while I can't speak for the people who probably need this information the most, I know I'm getting a lot of weird feelings sorted out through your excellent commentary.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 10:48 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 09:31 pm (UTC)From:I had to think a bit to make PwD = Person with Disability, but otherwise found this an interesting post.
In my workplace I am somewhat of a PwD, my disability being age (occasionally pointed remarks along the lines of shouldn't you be retiring soon? are usually replied to with "Why? My brain still works and that's what I'm paid for, not my stunning good looks or sartorial elegance").
Your post provides a juxtaposition to a recent post on one of our local news sites regarding the rest state of peoples faces here. I have a friend in Paignton.uk who has such a face which looks quite sad at rest but lights up like a christmas tree when she smiles. I was dumb enough to comment on it at one point and she was a little hurt at my comments, which woke me up to such issues.
Anyway, all this is to say I feel privileged to be allowed share in your thoughts on these issues...
Have a virtual *hug* or two.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 10:45 pm (UTC)From:I appreciate that you're taking the time to read this and think about it. :)
I should warn you, though, that conflating ageism with ableism will definitely set some people off. I'm not upset; I get that you're looking for places you can empathize and that's part of how we process information. Just be careful of suggesting the two are parallel/equal when they're not (older people in the current workforce have to work against people's expectations; PwD have to work with both their innate limitations and people's expectations).
I have usually found older people to have a bit more sympathy and understanding for physical issues, because *everyone's* body gives them little hobbies as they get older!
On the other other hand... I could not tell you the number of times I've groaned standing up (or something) and had someone tell me "Oh, you don't know the half of it! You're healthy and young now, wait 'till you're older!" without stopping to think. There's a huge assumption that youth = health.
Both age and the face thing are certainly good examples of how clueless people can be with their comments, though.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 11:57 pm (UTC)From:As you say, we all have little "hobbies" that we get to exercise as we age - I'm just grateful that mine aren't yet biggies!!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 11:59 pm (UTC)From:And excellent that your hobbies remain little. :) Hope they stay that way!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 05:35 am (UTC)From:My day-to-day is pretty chill, really, but a certain video game has seen fit to reinforce bad attitudes and bring some painful things out of the woodwork.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 07:14 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 11:04 pm (UTC)From:This just made me realize how much I've internalized that particular point. The "default" expression on my face has sometimes even been taken for angry or threatening, but I'm told I have a great smile.
The bit I just realized is that I've been so annoyed at the "turn that frown upside down"-type comments that, when I've run across other people with negative-seeming default expressions, it's never even occurred to me to mention it directly, because it bugs me so much when people do that to me. But if it is someone with a nice smile, I will try to do things to get that smile, even though I'd never say in as many words that that was what I was doing.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 03:09 am (UTC)From:None of my disabilities have been around since birth, but even the newest of them (the bad knee) happened almost 15 years ago, and yeah, I've spent a lot of time bumping up against those limitations, figuring out where they are, and figuring out how I can live my life with them.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 07:58 pm (UTC)From:In terms of knowing one's limits, I do think psychological stuff is more complex (since it can make you an unreliable analyst) but you're still your own best data.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 10:58 pm (UTC)From:That sounds about right. Even though the knee is the newest of the serious problems, it's the one I got a real handle on first.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 03:27 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 05:33 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 06:08 am (UTC)From:I had the same response to the icon.
*facepalm*
Stasia
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 04:35 am (UTC)From:However, this is a clear, intelligent short essay and I can't wait to hear the rest of what you have to say.
Stasia
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 04:38 am (UTC)From:EDIT: I'd add that considering the new line of work you're aiming at, that ability to listen is extra super duper important. :)
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 04:45 am (UTC)From:In this case, I can just listen, learn, and hopefully not screw up in my future.
Stasia
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 04:46 am (UTC)From:On the upside, it IS actually possible to find people to listen TO on the 'net, which is pretty cool!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 04:49 am (UTC)From:And, I think the best part of the 'net is that I can find intelligent people to listen to. *tucks hand behind ear* Eh?
Stasia
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 05:32 am (UTC)From:That's the mantra of good humans everywhere -- true for all of us!
Also, *hugs*.